Tuesday, February 8, 2011

displaying forgiveness

Fabric, I love to call it Possibilities, maybe because it confuses the Lead Singer into thinking that I'm really not headed to the fabric store... Ok, I'll admit it's an addiction. I love the bolts of fabric all lined up and organized, ready to be called into service and made into something by steady hands that makes people smile and happy.  Lately though, I've been rummaging through my fabric scrap stash and deciding in my heart that I really don't need to buy new possibilities until I deal with the scraps.

I guess that's where the idea for the activity I shared with local school kids yesterday came from.  To share some of my scraps of fabric with them. So they could turn something that I had hidden in my closet into something beautiful and worthy of display. 

"Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness;
 but in love you have delivered my life
 from the pit of destruction,
 for you have cast all my sins behind your back." 
Isaiah 38:17

It was two years ago when I was called out of ministry, and a good friend (happy birthday by the way!) and I were actually riding around the countryside lost. I'm not even sure where we were headed.. all I remember is what she said.

 "Kelly, He will leave, but He won't leave until you forgive him in your heart." 

( I'm sure I hated her at this moment...so we'd better fast forward
 a few years before we get stuck on that.)  

Oh man, it was hard. I'm not going to lie to you.  I had a brother on his knees for me in prayer at home, a sister on the cell phone pumping me full of verses, coaxing my body physically out of the car, twice. 

This man I was meeting, fired me, and I as much as I had already forgiven him in my heart. It was a very physical battle to walk into the same room with him, and show him that. The possibilities of him rejecting my offer was very alive, although I knew He's a very Godly man, and he would never laugh me off, but when the adrenaline is pumping.. your brain comes up with a ton of unreasonable possibilities. 

I sat in a room, knee to knee with the person I had held responsible for deep deep turmoil in my life. I was finally ready to bring out the scraps of unforgiveness and hand them over to him, and 20 minutes and at least 20 tissues later it was over, and I had been blessed big time. After all the mean and horrible things I felt, did and said..He forgave me, no questions asked. and then He asked for my forgiveness too. 

Two weeks ago was his last week as a pastor at our church. I did want to tell him that I think the only reason he even came to our church, was for my benefit.  I know that would have been selfish of me... he is a good man, and deserves way more than I'll ever be able to give him. It's funny, but I'll miss his face around our church building. 

I thought the scraps were hidden away, unseen, dealt with in my heart. 

Until I hauled all of the them outta the closet.
and started walking a very very hard path, 
 a straight and narrow path,
 designed by God,
 lit up by believers on all sides of me.

 and when I pulled out my deformed heart, and showed it for all it's ugliness,
God made it into something new, something worthy to display for His glory.
He gets the glory.... all of it.

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