Sunday, January 30, 2011

because.. i love you.

I'm finding it hard to use words to describe how amazing my God is today, 
so please bear with my inadequacies and wordiness about me. ;)

2 years ago I was called out of full time ministry and I thought life was over. To top it off, God never gave the Lead Singer or I any indication that we needed to switch churches.  That meant I needed to learn to live in this church community, which meant I needed to take some huge scary steps. Like
  • walk through the church doors every week,
  • smile and not cry at people when I saw them, 
  • even say hi to some folks, 
  • seek forgiveness and give forgiveness,
  • learn to accept friendships that were based in ministry dwindle down to a simple hello.
  • and most importantly to lean heavily into God's Word. 

Thank goodness I didn't have to walk this walk alone, God made sure there was a hand to grab at every intersection and every growth point. In many ways, just by you reading this now is a testimony to your willingness to hold my hand through healing.  Many times Another Happy Day has been my sounding off point on this journey, God knew over two years ago, when I woke up and was instructed to tell what was on my heart, that you as a reader needed to join me on this journey. 

This morning, I go to church and a brother in Christ approaches me. He simply asked if I would be able to help serve communion. I'm in tears writing this, simply because I feel that there had been a hedge around me for two years, and God hasn't even allowed me to even be asked to serve by anyone. 

Until today. 

Waiting in back with the elements listening to God's Words concerning communion from our pastor, it hits me.  I'm standing there, holding a representation of His Body, and I get to serve. Tears spring from my eyes, and I need to regroup before I bawl all over everyone's cracker, so I turn around and place them on the table behind me, only to find the same brother that asked if I would serve, see my tears, find a napkin, and wipe my cheeks. Of course.. even in my serving I needed someone to hold my hand!

What an intimate thing it is to serve communion. Servers get to hand people the Body and the Blood of Christ. In the same way that Jesus handed the same elements to those around the table. 

Oh my heart over fills with the desire to praise Him! He knew! He knew when I woke up this morning that I was going to be blessed in this way.. I bet he had all his angels around Him nudging them saying, "Watch this, I'm going to bless my daughter big time this morning,and I want you to see, I'm so proud of her!" 

"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you."
Isaiah 43:4a

Knowing I'm loved enough for Him to even care where I serve inside this church blows me away. He chose me to serve. He chose me to be called out of ministry so He could bless me more than I would have noticed before. God lead me on this hard path, to be close to Him on this day. He gets the glory. He gets the praise. I just get to bask in the blessing.. and I'm way ok with that. 


Robert said...

That was the most perfect and significant invitation to minister again. It was poetry. God is big enough to make this day a blessing for me too. I was a youth pastor for years, a missionary, and now on the sidelines. I have been "shelved" (Toy Story quote) by God for a season and blocked, like you- "I feel that there had been a hedge around me for two years, and God hasn't even allowed me to even be asked to serve by anyone." I used the word "reserved," reserved for something unique. I have sent out probably one hundred resumes. I have interviewed for a dozen ministry jobs and none of them have worked out. And I started to wonder if God had a part for me to play at all.
Then a pastor came into my life, gave me a book- The Making of A Leader, and God started to speak to me about how He was developing me and preparing me for ministry. I found great comfort in that, as you have read in my blog. Then today- the pastor is preaching and then facilitates a discussion (smaller church). Many people share some insights into one of Jesus' parables. Near the end I say, "What if the parable means this..." When I finish, the pastor says, "What is your name?" (It was just visiting my friend's church for first time). I said, "Rob." The pastor said, "Rob just preached." He had the church reflect on what the implications were for the insights I shared, about what Jesus meant in his parable. As we sat there in silence for a minute, a lump swelled in my throat and my eyes teared up. I "preached". Others started discussing the insight and one person came up to me after the service and thanked me for sharing. I was humbled and thankful to even be included in a meaningful worship service for our God.
In Making of a Leader the author says ministers are given "words of truth" to share, insights into God's Word. I have been holding onto that one for six years now. The tree ripened and the people came to eat the fruit. Delicious. Thank you God.
I rejoice with you Kelly.

Katybug19 said...

Love this post, :) grateful you are there to serve and accept God's call to do so. Your outlook and attitude is a great reflection of HIS grace and mercy!!

kelly said...

Robert, your words bring a smile to my face. Not just anyone can identify with being "reserved" for ministry and all the soul work that God does in that waiting place, and to serve a God big enough to bless both of us on the same day!! WHOOHOO!!! Thank you for sharing your blessing with me.. I rejoice with you as well!

JennaBeth77 said...

Huh...I know Rob, Kelly. He recommended this blog to me and I have to say... (tears).

I've just felt shelved. No end in sight for being dusted off. Just shelved. Except my shelving has been because of a new of parenthood. And I'm not perfect. Imagine that. With all of the ministry I have been involved with, I think maybe I've shelved myself now that I'm a parent and, heaven forbid, I am not perfect at it. You see, I was one of those, who did it all right, for God's glory. And I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. Why would He even want my service anymore? What good is it? My children fight.
(I do realize this sounds completely absurd...)

I don't know what or why this was passed along right now, in the midst of needing it, but it feels like a big break in the lie I've been living in...the lie that only perfect people who have it together are fit to serve. With perfect children who don't fight.
I was reserved for ministry once. I was going to be a missionary. I was a fire waiting to spread...I've since become a smoldering coal. Maybe just needing to be stoked... ;)

Thank you for the encouragement and transparency...I do love to see how God works, even in the hard stuff. And it is so true...we get to bask in the blessing of serving when it isn't our job, place, title, is just our privilege of serving our God...
(and in my case, even when it is trying to bring peace to children..."for what you have done for the least of these...")
:) Thanks...

kelly said...

JennaBeth, thanks for your kind words. It's difficult to walk in the unknown wherever God has you stepping. Today,I pray that you feel the touch of the Spirit new on your heart.

kelly said...

JennaBeth, casually reading Job this morning, and when i read 41:21 ESV.. I thought about you immediately.