Saturday, September 25, 2010

sharpened.

a few weeks back, i was talking to a brother. i was lamenting to him the fact that all these ministries needed people and here i sit. waiting to be asked. so he asked me.. "i think it's time for you to get back into the game, where do you want to serve?"

and i cried. and i have no idea why. still don't. in fact, it still makes me deeply saddened.

it was then that God showed me the verses in Isaiah 41:9b-10.
i'm already chosen. i'm already serving. i needed to hear that.

it would seem that his question was totally void of feeling for my own internal issues. it was just a brother trying to help out a sister in Christ, but what he asked was exactly the thing i needed to hear to find the Truth of the where i wanted to serve God. For that i'm eternally grateful.

next came you, a dear friend who has seen the hurt and heartache from almost the begining of serving outside the walls of the church. you asked another question. "can you serve mommies?" Yeah, i can. i totally can. it's something that i think i could do rather well, and i get excited about the possiblilities of hanging out with you and other moms i know and love.

then, that question becomes null and void, almost as if you never asked it. the spots been filled, taken, not mine. i cry. i again feel helpless in the battle for good and evil. rejected.

it would seem to you that you have done me a disservice, by asking me to serve. that i need to forgive you for something, i do not. you didn't hurt me. you helped me.
you helped me realize that Isaiah 41 is truely true. i'm already chosen, already serving.
and then it hits me. this is what iron sharpening iron really looks like.

2 comments:

Jodie B said...

Wow...it's reassuring to read your thoughts as I have asked myself that same question, many times. Kelly, from that terrifying heart-to-heart in Atlanta, to that trek around the parking lot, to late-night chats, crying in pain or sorrow to joy and excitement, to our evenings spent at Happiness, to our sarcasm that only "we" can accept.....YOU changed my life. I am blessed to have you as my friend. Be assured that God has something BIGGER planned for you. You change lives...every day....no matter where you are! I love you!! :)

kelly said...

lub you to miss jodiE. and i'm certain that God has big plans for you too!!.. as long as you listen! :)