be.

Just be with me, No plans, no agendas. Just Be. I'll show you secrets hidden that only are for you. I'll bless you and guide you.  Just sit here and be.  There's a river of joy, peace, patience, kindness  that you can swim in, relax in, Be in. Just Be. 

Being with someone takes emotional currency. 

Being for someone means you have an opinions. 

Being by someone means you have to think about social behaviors. 

Being still- well that encompasses all your thoughts, actions, 

body movement, physical posture, difficult to say the least. 

One must train themselves to be still, it does not happen overnight.  

The struggle comes when an outside force forces action. 

 Your environment is essential, 

but not necessary- yes, in the beginning- but not forever. 

It's a learned process- to be. 

The exciting thing is that there are different levels of be. 

One must strip off each level like a bandaid and learn to live there, 

all the while finding another level. 

The skill of be is at it's best

 when you can be in a crowded room or even standing outside in the cold, and have a still heart.  Focused on the One that matters. 

Drawing His sweet scent in and letting that aroma become you. 

 "Be still and know that I am God." 

Psalm 46:10

the process spelled out.

A brush in had I sit. First a color blended with white, isn't everything better when mixed with white?  Then, the internal gets in the way.  Thoughts and feelings that echo the lies buried deep within a person. 

You aren't worthy of this

You are wasting your time. 

You should be doing laundry or something worth while. 

You don't know enough about this. 

You need a college degree, more training.

 Yet, I pick up a color and blend. Ever mixing, putting one stroke in front of the other, all the while my soul cries out to the One who Spoke things into being.  Words created the firsts.  I rely on the Word. My you's turn into He's.

He is worthy. 

He is trust worthy.

He is life.

He is Truth.

He is my Savior.

He is peace.

He is Joy.

He is happy.

He is my source.

My words join with His words and I give myself over to the process of creating. Deep in the flow of the Spirit an image appears and we dance over the canvas together. The Giver giving strength where I am weak. He speaks and I capture the words. 

The process takes little time, and to tell you the truth I feel very guilty accepting any form of payment for God's creation through me. I struggle over it's "re-gifting" feel that comes so easily if I am forced to put a price tag on a canvas.  

So, for a while I am not. 

I am instead, raising money to help a ministry that has touched my heart, through words. Kimberly Smith, the author and co-founder of Make Way Partners leads a ministry deep into stopping human trafficking, which is just a buzz word for actions carried out by humans straight from the pit of hell in my opinion.  Half of whatever comes in by donation from each print is sent directly to this ministry, who is in the business of rescuing, feeding, and restoring hope into hundreds of children. Children that are forced by adults into nightmares.  

There is a place of peace, of complete happiness that I love to visit. It's there, holding onto my Father's hand, that He shows me that I'm on the right path, a path that He leads me on.. and finally I can say.. I have things to do, and places to go...and that makes my heart very happy. 

**the above 11x14 original lovely has a suggested donation of $50, because some folks just need a guideline. ;) **

Dear Someone,

My initial thought was nooooooooo way am I ever going to paint that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not only did I not know how to paint it well, but who in their right mind would want to buy it if I DID paint it. The colors are blah, and it looks rather easy when you scrutinize it. and it's not very "happy" when you look at it.. and.. and... and.... and I also knew not everyone who sees the final product wouldn't get it.. and then I'd be labeled a "weirdo". (Which makes me giggle slightly to myself.  I'm not sure when that switch of having people care what I create turned to "on," but I'm trying to fight that current and turn it "off.") So, in an effort to become bolder in my walk, and more confident in what Jesus calls me to create.... I will share. Not for you to look at me with glimpses of "oh my goodness she's dumb, or wow Kelly, you are becoming mystical." I don't care about that. I was told to share.. so I will.

***enter shaking knees here****   

ok, deep breaths.. I'm ok... really... 

Dear Someone, 

You need to know that He really cares for you and He really loves you and He wants you to know that there are people fighting tooth and nail for you to be released from the darkness that surrounds you. To give you hope. People are pouring their prayers out for you moment by moment so that you can be free. 

...and when the freedom from the darkness comes... your picture changes meanings.. From a saving prayer to a personal prayer for your own soul.

Moment by moment you will need to cry out and claw through the internal darkness that resides inside your soul and reach toward the Light. The Light that heals. Have courage, and know that Jesus loves you through everything. 

I'm in tears writing this to you, Someone. There is hope, fight for it.   I pray that you have enough courage to come forward and claim your picture. It's yours. 

Kelly

my dream for the day

Ever have one of those days when you can't focus? I giggle slightly at writing that mainly due to the fact that I think thats an everyday thing for me, and I have just learned to live in the chaos of it all. Somehow functioning. Always feeling behind the 8 ball.

It is Monday. A day I set aside the normal for the mundane. The day I get the house in order, or at least try, after the world changers and the lead singer have been home for the weekend.  Maybe it is the canker sore on the right side of my tongue, persistently irritating my thoughts. Or maybe its the stench of the cat litter that I refuse to change, yes, we have a cat in the house... imagine that. He was one of the lucky ones, and dreadfully adorable.. but he still makes messes.

A mess. That is what I feel like. A dozen projects in each room calling for my attention.. and here I sit staring a the screen of my mac pounding out my frustrations with myself. Why can't I just get it together. When did laundry, dishes, floors, cat litter become more important that my dreams and goals?

For that conversation to even begin in my head is a dangerous thing. What in the heck ARE my dreams and goals. I can tell you it's certainly not having the most tidy house in the world, or the most healthy food on the table, or even cookies in the cookie jar. Enough of the what my goals aren't, but I can't even being to list what my goals are. Is it even possible to admit that I think goals are dumb?

Ugh. I'm confusing myself. I'm sorry. Sometimes without editing my thoughts I confuse myself. If your still reading.. welcome to my brain.. today we are playing the reel "confused." belly up to the bar and grab a drink.

Focus. I didn't get that gene. Perhaps thats why I'm not very good at details? Ahhhhhh I'm depressing myself. Not my intention at all. I am a perfectly formed child of the Living God. I am worthy of His love and everything I do for Him is worth it. Everything. For. Him.

Everything. For. Him.

Excuse me... I'm going to go change the laundry... for Him.

Not because laundry is a goal or dream, but because being a stay at home mom means waking up and putting your big girl panties on and being a servant. A servant to Him, who blessed me with an amaxing family, life and the wonderful ability to make bread in my oven to cover up that stench coming from the litter box.

Which just maybe my dream and goal for the day, and that is 100% ok.

"Thus says the Lord: Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears,

 for there is a reward for your work," declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 31:16

a prayer from a long ago john

Holy Spirit of God, visit now this soul of mine, 

and tarry within it until the eventide. 

Inspire all my thoughts. 

Pervade all my imaginations. 

Suggest all my decisions. 

Lodge in my soul's most inward citadel, and order all my doings. 

Be with me in silence and in my speech,

 in my haste and in my leisure,

 in company and in solitude,

 in the freshness of the morning and the weariness of the evening.

 

Give me grace at all times to rejoice in Thy mysterious companionship. 

John Baillie 

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love the action words.. inspire, pervade, suggest, lodge...

 hope your having a great Saturday with the Holy Spirit as your guide!  

~kelly

the package

I was in my favorite store the week before Christmas, with a pocket full of cash that was only to be used to purchase Christmas presents. I had five hours to shop for 23 people, so why was I staring at the canvas packs that were on sale?  It was a GREAT deal and I needed them.. or thought I did. I rationalized myself outta that isle by telling myself that I really needed to sell a few more prints before I could even think about buying more supplies to make more... I left the store without buying them. Yeah me.

So, here's where I need to back up and let you in on a certain goal or rather desire I had a year ago in January 2011.  I desired to tithe.  If your not a church goer, that means that you voluntarily put hard earned money into a basket that is passed at church each Sunday, which in turn gets used for the needs of ministry at the church.   I had tithed before, but this time was different. I was going to make it a habit, and not only that, but I was going to double my giving. Not a ton compared to some folks, but thats not the point... what is the point is that I'm not rich, nor do I work in the summer months.  So, in order for me to keep my commitment to my local church I needed to generate some cash in anyway I knew how.

I'm not about to tell you that since I did "A" that "B" happened. In fact, I'm not suggesting that at all. What I do know is that when I started giving I started creating.. and God blessed me. He blessed me (and my family)  with trips, a new camera, cash to give when I was short, ideas, motivation.. you name it God blessed me. I can't give God enough credit. He really does bless you abundantly when you give money not out of compulsion or reluctancy.

It is January 2012, and so far I haven't made any new goals. The ones I was working on in December have yet to play out, but one thing I really want to do was to paint more, and to do that you need canvas. Which remember, I don't have.

Enter the package.

It was shipped to my front door from the Lead Singer's Best Friend. How could she have known that I needed them? She has no clue when it comes to the supplies I need. I love her. I love her for listening to that little voice, and then acting on it.

Again, I'm not saying that I'm receiving because I'm giving... I'm just going to continue on this path and encourage you to join me in giving, with a grateful heart, to the Giver who loves you more than anything and really really really wants to give you good gifts.

I can hardly wait to see how the Best Friend is blessed cuz of this gift... cuz she blessed my socks off.

 Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

 Luke 6:38 Msg

to find a pure heart.

He steps out of his house, overcome with the need to hear. Stepping over all of the litter that lines his front steps he strains to see what his heart longs to feel. Two words repeated over and over on his lips are the simply cry from his heart. Pure heart. Pure heart. He meditates and searches everyone he meets. Gazes that flutter by intent on their own schedules, demands, life. Is it possible that there are no pure hearts in this place? Questions mount up on eagles wings and take flight, soaring high, desperately wanting to land somewhere safe where the answers are found. He keeps walking. Looking. Searching desperately wanting to find a pure heart. He tires. He sits. Weary from the journey of many years. 

A stranger comes to sit by him. Talking starts and suddenly a wave crashes over he who seeks and he is drenched in safety. The words pour from his lips. Things deep within are brought to the surface to join the wave and the water heals. The wave of grace was given. Safety was found in time. The release of something you can not control- the ticking of the clock to someone else. Time to be human. Time to process all that takes place in this sinful world. The stranger had time, and he gave it. 

A pure heart can't help but give grace to those around them.  Which in turn gives safety.. which in that safety gives he who seeks a chance to become pure. It was God's plan along. 

Always there, just might not always be visible.

______________________________

I'm fully aware that the above might not make complete sense to anyone of you my dear fellow readers. I'm fully aware that its confusing and even rather simple in it's delivery. What I do know is that stepping out my house this morning wanting to take an image of this...

 I turned around and the moon had yet to fade away..so I snapped the image that is in the story above.

 

The words pure heart came to mind.. then it wasn't me in the story..it was a young "he" 

 An image played across the screen in my head of the very human need of being safe in relationships.. and that it can only come from God. 

That's all I know.. the rest is up to God. 

intent

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. 

Aim at earth and you get neither.
~C.S. Lewis

to play well.

My oldest changer has a natural talent to listen to music and then pluck it out on a stringed instrument. Its rather interesting watching him listen intently to each individual note inside a melody. Then almost instantaneously playing each note perfectly. Blending those strings to make a beautiful song that bless those who hear. We gave him his first guitar several years ago, but that isn't the one he uses today. No, he grew out of that one,  now he has several that he uses in different settings depending on his mood, and expectations of the listeners. I love to listen to him play, it truly is a gift. In someways I wish he could do nothing more than sit and play all day to hone the skills he has. Become a giver of beauty to all who hear, but we all know thats not possible in this world of responsibilities and expectations. 

The constant flow of information, the search for the person you want to be, the battle between who you are and the one your teachers, parents, coaches and a host of other adults think you are. It is a constant chorus of minor chords. Being a teenager is tough, and just because I was a teenager once, doesn't mean I know what they need, want, or have all the answers when it comes to parenting them well. I am as clueless as it comes to this musical symphony. What I do know is that with anything it takes practice, even if you have a natural ability. Time and effort simply must seep into the musical score if you want to play well.

This season has been tough, I'm not going to hide that fact. I have amaxin changers, but we are all sinful and that makes living a bit interesting sometimes around here. I love them enough however, to resolve to be a better parent. Change starts with me, and instead of choosing to live a life that I know hasn't worked in the past... I choose to make a few very subtle, as to not freak out the lead singer, changes. Here's your chance world changers to be in the know of your mom's heart.. pay attention. 

1. I choose to show you love no matter what mood you are in,

 with an encouraging voice.

2. I choose to pray for your hearts daily.

3. I choose to spend quality time with you on your terms,

 seeking nothing in return.

4. I choose to spend quality time in the Word daily,

so my strength in this is not my own.

_____________________

This post started with questions in my head.. what is working in my parenting? whats not working? what could I be better at with God's help.  Am I relying on the Orchestrator of all.. or am I relying on my own natural ability? What new habits can I develop in this area?  How would you answer?

the walnut lesson.

I think I captured one of my favorite images ever on New Years Eve. As so often is the case, I run out the door minutes before the sun sets and search for what He would have me capture. A little bit of Him for me at that moment to share with you.

Yah that's not it, but the whispers start there. I looked down and saw a seed, not the walnut all covered up. Potential. A covering of what will be. It was brief the conversation between Him and I, but I knew exactly what He was trying to tell me.

A few year ago, I was lead rather blindly into a discipleship course that changed my life. A course that gently takes your hand and shows you that God wants and desires so much more of you and for you. This course isn't for the timid, heck no. Your personal pride and everything you thought you knew gets a 180 and you spin outta control for a bit while you find your balance in Him, your Father. With the help of others who are experiencing the same thing you are shown the lies that the evil one has attached into the fabric of your being every so cunningly.  Uncovering what was meant to be planted by God in rich soil. 18 months of week after week to recalibrate my inner most being. God showed himself strong in those hard steps and I of course give Him all the glory that He deserves. I am truly nothing without Him.

Once you have experienced something so grand and life changing, you want it desperately for those you love.  But the evil one works overtime at even the mention of such, and even the thought of a different way is cast away and life continues on. Which brings me of course to the walnut.

If I pry the covering off early by my own hands the seed gets exposed, but the ground that it is supposed to be planted in is frozen. If it's my timing and not the Fathers, more damage is done, and the walnut gets stuck on the fence.. and true change won't happen. A waste of a seed at that moment. Nope, my hands won't do this walnut any good. I have to wait. To allow the Fathers ultimate plan of seasons and time to slowly remove the covering and plant the seed, and knowing that drives me to pray. 

To pray desperately for the unity that could be, but isn't. A oneness with brothers, sisters, spouses, and children that comes from the Father. Each seeking His face first, to be closer to each other here on earth without reservations and paradigms. To pray that the covering will be stripped away so that the potential that He put there is planted. Only then, when the seed is planted by the Father can I  nourish it and care for it. Until then, my only job is to lift the seed up in prayer. 

Now, I think you can see the beauty of my favorite image ever. It's really not just a gross walnut with flaws. It is a beautiful seed... just waiting and willing me to lift it up to the Father. 

"That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. Romans 8:21-22 The Message

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