today, i'm skipping.
it's not that i WANT to skip this time that makes it different.
i think it's because i have worn out expecting that anything will be changing either inside me when i go. or inside you when you see me there. it's like i'm a huge white elephant in the room. no place to go. no place to serve. nothing to do, except hang out with those that don't want to serve or do anything but talk talk talk and drink coffee. and that wouldn't bother me on a normal day, except today is different, my kids wanted to go to church today.
and i can see absolutely no reason to take them.
i go to church to worship the God who can change people. a God to which i adore, who has shown me through some major tough times. i go to church because my absence would speak tons about the God i serve and love, and how he carries you through this sinful world. i go to church to show my kids that it's important and worthy.. so that my grandkids will set apart a day to worship and adore the same God their granny did.
i'm not going to church today, because i hate the person i become inside and i hate the person i'm forced to be on the outside when i'm there....and since i'm incessant on being real and honest in all situations... i'd rather not fake my love of church in front of my kids, or anyone else for that matter.
"with what shall i come before the Lord, and bow myself before God on high? Shall i come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousands of rivers of oil? Shall i give my firstborn for my transgressions, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has told you, o man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:6