Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Much Grace Required

Grabbing my sunglasses off the counter I immediately hear it. It wasn't an audible whisper like I have heard before. It was in fact, just a nudge in the pattern of my normal thoughts around this time of the morning. Normal being along the lines of,  "Go let the chickens out, got your shoes? homework? do you need that? you might need a sweatshirt, hurry up your going to miss breakfast,  wash your hair, you need to wake up earlier..."  Frustrated, filled to the brim with expectations that clammer to get out of my mouth. quickly and harshly. I become another person as my only goal is to get the World Changers to school on time,  because then I can get home and spend some time alone.

The past 10 months, I have gathered with strangers turned family to learn more about the God who called us to be His. It's here that I learn to give grace in practical ways. We are all fallen humans. We all sin. We all have stuff. We are all in need of grace, and I give it to this family week after week. 

I am also forced to learn to give my self grace as well, over and over. It's being wrong that scares me into not acting, talking, fear of saying the wrong answer.  Learning to give myself grace takes ten times more effort and practice, but in the family of believers grace is shown and given, and I learn over and over again to "give yourself grace sister." 

A nudge in my thoughts. Give Grace. 

I'm dumbfounded. When did I think that my home, the people that I live close to every single day didn't need grace? They have stuff, they have needs, they should be shown grace, especially from their mom. Tears wash the log out of my eye and I see. I see the mess my sin has created in my own home.

I am lead to the book of Luke where Jesus is speaking "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher." Grace has pealed back the blinders on my soul, and I know. I know that the journey to give grace to those who live in my home has begun. A focused effort to allow people to fail and learn and grow to be like their Teacher, without any side comments from a well meaning drill sergeant called mom who requires much grace herself. 

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