I Thirst.

Obedience is His love language.   

Is that why I get so bent out of shape when the Holy Spirit gently lets me know the way,

 and I say in my inner most parts, that it's too scary. 

I'm not going there. Nope. Not doing it. It's way to hard. 

  

What then? 

I've been stuck in Romans the past couple of nights. Silent whispers on my heart that say.  "Read slow." "Immerse your soul in My words." So I do, if only because I know that obedience is His love language.  It's out of duty. It's abnormal. I understand very little and it gets so confusing.  I have become completely more comfortable in the Old Testament and it's stories of  people, who hear God through the prophets but seldom hear His direct voice.

My journey leads me  towards His words, and I must step. The words my Jesus said while He walked and talked on the soil He created. Word made flesh. Flesh that had to die, so that I could really live. Do you see how big of deal this is? There is nothing I could say or write,  in my own created flesh, that could ever match the wonder of the words that spoke life and healing. And I fear.

I fear the same things I have always feared. When did I unknowingly resurrect this fear? I laid it down there, at the cross. It died a death witnessed.  Am I a slave forever?

How can I fear what He has laid so clearly out for my steps?  Is He not the same God in the New Testament as in the Old? When did I become a wandering Israelite again clamoring for more of the God of the past than the God of the future? Can I love God enough to obey Him even in the hard?

He hung on the cross, that dreadful day so long ago. Apart from the Creator for the first time. Separated. Obedient. Face to face with sin itself, and in the last hours a cry from His very soul "I thirst."

The Word, wanted more of the Word in his soul.. he was thirsty.

I become like a child, at the foot of the cross watching his daddy contemplate the enormity of the simple.

Jesus thirsted so I wouldn't have too. Obediently I open my New Testament and begin drinking.

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,

 by whom we cry, "Abba Father!"  

Romans 8:15