Giving Up.

Time and time again you ask God for an answer. He waits. 

Worry.

Unrest.

Contemplation.

Questions.

Anticipation.

"What-if's" that create more and more thoughts that lead you in a circle of confusion. 

He waits for you to give up, stop, and rest.

There isn't anything you have to do, except give.

Give to Him what you carry. 

1:22am.  

 I awake and I immediately think of Genesis. I snap on the light, and I grab my pen. It's 1:22am, did you catch that? I open my Bible to what I think is chapter 1:22.. and my eyes fall on these words.

"God is with you in all that you do."  Genesis 21:22  

And God hushes my questions, confusion and worry.. and reassures me that He's there. He's got this. He's in control, He's with me. I can have the confidence in all situations that He gives. There isn't a choice, decision, or action that He isn't in. How fun and incredibly amaxing is it to know that the Creator of ALL things is with me. 

And that the same God is with you. Have you given up today? 

Approved by God.

 Friends come to visit and I make excuses for the ugly thing. 

"It's comfortable, try it."

 People around me are afraid to tell me about how dreadful it is. 

My really good friends even come over and enjoy it, and they try to convince me to get rid of it.

I tell them, "I like it." enough times and they leave the matter alone. 

 Those who live in the same house have gotten used to it being around, 

even though they never really liked it.. it has become "family."

Then one day, I haul it out to the front yard and I set it on fire. 

A passerby asks if they need to call 911. 

I tell her heck no.. as I take pictures of my couch melting under the fire.

I burn couches I dislike on a whim, and I'm ok with the world knowing. 

(and God approves of this message, because He approves of me!)

can you tattoo joy?

When I was in 6th or maybe 7th grade there was this hot actor named River Phoenix. The gals I hung out with, well, we loved loved loved this "man." Watching Stand By Me was a weekly occurrence. He made our hearts pitter patter even when we didn't know what that meant.  He was my ideal man and he quickly became my idol. Then, I graduated, and he died.

In college, I'd have to say my idol was the Little Mermaid. I kinda wish I had a picture to show you of the wonderful things my friends gifted me with to display. I was decked out in all things mermaidish. I even got a tattoo of that crustacean. I loved loved loved her voice, the story, the colors pretty much everything about it. It was my ideal movie and it quickly became my idol. Then, I quit college and got married.

Deeper idols started to appear when I joined as one with the Lead Singer, a clean home, meals at 8, 12, and 6. Patterns I no doubt fell into based on my own upbringing. Being a great wife and homemaker became my idol. Then, well, I had the world changers.

Idols when your a mom are ever changing.. some days it's sleep, date nights, alone time in the bathroom, the lady at church who has well behaved children, all 17 of them, being totally done with the laundry, feeding your family healthy organic meals, being all things to all people at all the same time, the latest TV show, girl time, going shopping without any kids. Whew, it makes me tired just thinking about all the things there are to elevate to an idol level when your a mom. But mostly, when my world changers were small I didn't even think about idols. I was focused on surviving the day.

Timothy Keller, a pastor and author, defined an idol as "making a good thing an ultimate thing." A good movie, a thought, a practice, a person, an emotion.. anything that becomes an ultimate thing is an idol. And if you have an idol, your willing to do anything for it. Heck, you'd even tattoo it on your.. well, never mind. 

In the very last verse of 1 John, it says, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols."  and I want to shush him for even writing that. How could he write that, and mean it? Was he not human? Was he not alive? Did he not have a life?  Its irritating to me when people seem like they have super powers to overcome things of the flesh like idols. "Keep yourselves from idols" how is that possible when my whole life I've been a frequent patron at the library of idols?

My world changers love their electronic devices and they love them all the time. Yes, I'd call it an idol. but they, well, they call it fun and entertainment. As their parent, I don't enjoy ripping it out of their hands, but sometimes I have to,and boy do they scream and holler. I get the sticker for being the "worst mom in the world," but I know the louder they scream, the tighter that idol had a grip on their heart, and I'm OK with them taking a break from it, for their own sake, because I know idols.. they destroy joy.

Wow, John had it right all along. He knew idols destroyed joy. He knew. He knew God. He knew Jesus. He knew the Truth and God wanted us to know that anytime you "make a good thing the ultimate thing" you destroy any chance of lasting joy. 

"You make known to me the path of life;

 in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." 

Psalm 16:11

Funny how that works... you make God your idol and you get lasting joy. Love that, and I don't even have to tattoo that on my.. oh never mind.

i'm just a squirmy right brainer.

Nailing down my right brain is impossible sometimes 

and although there are a million and one thoughts in there floating around... 

I can't seem to capture just one and bring it to fruition.

 Frustrating. 

Especially when you have so many people that are on this journey with you.

How do you sort through the thoughts, and make them productive? 

How do you honor God with your words when you can't even form a coherent sentence? 

Left brainers.. please be seated, you just will not understand. 

Creativeness flows from the Giver.
Always has and always will.

 What if your supply seems to be frozen?

Stuck in some imaginary box that you can't quite reach but you know it's there.
Waiting for you to grasp.

Seasoned right brain users will tell you just to start creating.. something, anything. 

and so I crawl ever so gently into the Giver's grasp.

Hoping and praying He will spark something, anything into being.

I feel like a 5th grader, at a concert playing my instrument for the first time.
Aware of all the other band members surrounding me who play really well.

And I force my focus back to Him.

It happens so fast, when you live in your right brain world... loss of focus, feelings of inferiority.
When you put your heart out there for all to see, and you have been told for so long that it's wrong.
Questions again drip.. and you wonder. Does anyone even care?
Does anyone listen? Does my heart help anyone to see that
Life with Christ is down right hard sometimes? Does any one see it's worth it?

You know you must simply crawl back into the Giver's grasp.. and rest.
To be so still and slow your brain down so you can again hear His voice.
Back to square one.
He speaks.

You do this for Him. No One else.
He gives the words, the thoughts, the meanings,
He opens hearts, and eyes.
He consumes you, melts the box that you unknowingly hid yourself.

Thoughts connect, and He's pleased.
That's all that matters.

of course He cares.
 He's the Giver.
He holds you in the palm of His hand...all of you.

but it's so easy to squirm out..