Wednesday, March 2, 2011

i'm just a squirmy right brainer.

Nailing down my right brain is impossible sometimes 
and although there are a million and one thoughts in there floating around... 
I can't seem to capture just one and bring it to fruition.
Especially when you have so many people that are on this journey with you.

How do you sort through the thoughts, and make them productive? 
How do you honor God with your words when you can't even form a coherent sentence? 

Left brainers.. please be seated, you just will not understand. 

Creativeness flows from the Giver.
Always has and always will.
 What if your supply seems to be frozen?
Stuck in some imaginary box that you can't quite reach but you know it's there.
Waiting for you to grasp.

Seasoned right brain users will tell you just to start creating.. something, anything. 
and so I crawl ever so gently into the Giver's grasp.
Hoping and praying He will spark something, anything into being.

I feel like a 5th grader, at a concert playing my instrument for the first time.
Aware of all the other band members surrounding me who play really well.

And I force my focus back to Him.

It happens so fast, when you live in your right brain world... loss of focus, feelings of inferiority.
When you put your heart out there for all to see, and you have been told for so long that it's wrong.
Questions again drip.. and you wonder. Does anyone even care?
Does anyone listen? Does my heart help anyone to see that
Life with Christ is down right hard sometimes? Does any one see it's worth it?

You know you must simply crawl back into the Giver's grasp.. and rest.
To be so still and slow your brain down so you can again hear His voice.
Back to square one.
He speaks.

You do this for Him. No One else.
He gives the words, the thoughts, the meanings,
He opens hearts, and eyes.
He consumes you, melts the box that you unknowingly hid yourself.

Thoughts connect, and He's pleased.
That's all that matters.

of course He cares.
 He's the Giver.
He holds you in the palm of His hand...all of you.

but it's so easy to squirm out.. 

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