Dear Someone,

My initial thought was nooooooooo way am I ever going to paint that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not only did I not know how to paint it well, but who in their right mind would want to buy it if I DID paint it. The colors are blah, and it looks rather easy when you scrutinize it. and it's not very "happy" when you look at it.. and.. and... and.... and I also knew not everyone who sees the final product wouldn't get it.. and then I'd be labeled a "weirdo". (Which makes me giggle slightly to myself.  I'm not sure when that switch of having people care what I create turned to "on," but I'm trying to fight that current and turn it "off.") So, in an effort to become bolder in my walk, and more confident in what Jesus calls me to create.... I will share. Not for you to look at me with glimpses of "oh my goodness she's dumb, or wow Kelly, you are becoming mystical." I don't care about that. I was told to share.. so I will.

***enter shaking knees here****   

ok, deep breaths.. I'm ok... really... 

Dear Someone, 

You need to know that He really cares for you and He really loves you and He wants you to know that there are people fighting tooth and nail for you to be released from the darkness that surrounds you. To give you hope. People are pouring their prayers out for you moment by moment so that you can be free. 

...and when the freedom from the darkness comes... your picture changes meanings.. From a saving prayer to a personal prayer for your own soul.

Moment by moment you will need to cry out and claw through the internal darkness that resides inside your soul and reach toward the Light. The Light that heals. Have courage, and know that Jesus loves you through everything. 

I'm in tears writing this to you, Someone. There is hope, fight for it.   I pray that you have enough courage to come forward and claim your picture. It's yours. 

Kelly

my dream for the day

Ever have one of those days when you can't focus? I giggle slightly at writing that mainly due to the fact that I think thats an everyday thing for me, and I have just learned to live in the chaos of it all. Somehow functioning. Always feeling behind the 8 ball.

It is Monday. A day I set aside the normal for the mundane. The day I get the house in order, or at least try, after the world changers and the lead singer have been home for the weekend.  Maybe it is the canker sore on the right side of my tongue, persistently irritating my thoughts. Or maybe its the stench of the cat litter that I refuse to change, yes, we have a cat in the house... imagine that. He was one of the lucky ones, and dreadfully adorable.. but he still makes messes.

A mess. That is what I feel like. A dozen projects in each room calling for my attention.. and here I sit staring a the screen of my mac pounding out my frustrations with myself. Why can't I just get it together. When did laundry, dishes, floors, cat litter become more important that my dreams and goals?

For that conversation to even begin in my head is a dangerous thing. What in the heck ARE my dreams and goals. I can tell you it's certainly not having the most tidy house in the world, or the most healthy food on the table, or even cookies in the cookie jar. Enough of the what my goals aren't, but I can't even being to list what my goals are. Is it even possible to admit that I think goals are dumb?

Ugh. I'm confusing myself. I'm sorry. Sometimes without editing my thoughts I confuse myself. If your still reading.. welcome to my brain.. today we are playing the reel "confused." belly up to the bar and grab a drink.

Focus. I didn't get that gene. Perhaps thats why I'm not very good at details? Ahhhhhh I'm depressing myself. Not my intention at all. I am a perfectly formed child of the Living God. I am worthy of His love and everything I do for Him is worth it. Everything. For. Him.

Everything. For. Him.

Excuse me... I'm going to go change the laundry... for Him.

Not because laundry is a goal or dream, but because being a stay at home mom means waking up and putting your big girl panties on and being a servant. A servant to Him, who blessed me with an amaxing family, life and the wonderful ability to make bread in my oven to cover up that stench coming from the litter box.

Which just maybe my dream and goal for the day, and that is 100% ok.

"Thus says the Lord: Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears,

 for there is a reward for your work," declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 31:16

a prayer from a long ago john

Holy Spirit of God, visit now this soul of mine, 

and tarry within it until the eventide. 

Inspire all my thoughts. 

Pervade all my imaginations. 

Suggest all my decisions. 

Lodge in my soul's most inward citadel, and order all my doings. 

Be with me in silence and in my speech,

 in my haste and in my leisure,

 in company and in solitude,

 in the freshness of the morning and the weariness of the evening.

 

Give me grace at all times to rejoice in Thy mysterious companionship. 

John Baillie 

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love the action words.. inspire, pervade, suggest, lodge...

 hope your having a great Saturday with the Holy Spirit as your guide!  

~kelly

the package

I was in my favorite store the week before Christmas, with a pocket full of cash that was only to be used to purchase Christmas presents. I had five hours to shop for 23 people, so why was I staring at the canvas packs that were on sale?  It was a GREAT deal and I needed them.. or thought I did. I rationalized myself outta that isle by telling myself that I really needed to sell a few more prints before I could even think about buying more supplies to make more... I left the store without buying them. Yeah me.

So, here's where I need to back up and let you in on a certain goal or rather desire I had a year ago in January 2011.  I desired to tithe.  If your not a church goer, that means that you voluntarily put hard earned money into a basket that is passed at church each Sunday, which in turn gets used for the needs of ministry at the church.   I had tithed before, but this time was different. I was going to make it a habit, and not only that, but I was going to double my giving. Not a ton compared to some folks, but thats not the point... what is the point is that I'm not rich, nor do I work in the summer months.  So, in order for me to keep my commitment to my local church I needed to generate some cash in anyway I knew how.

I'm not about to tell you that since I did "A" that "B" happened. In fact, I'm not suggesting that at all. What I do know is that when I started giving I started creating.. and God blessed me. He blessed me (and my family)  with trips, a new camera, cash to give when I was short, ideas, motivation.. you name it God blessed me. I can't give God enough credit. He really does bless you abundantly when you give money not out of compulsion or reluctancy.

It is January 2012, and so far I haven't made any new goals. The ones I was working on in December have yet to play out, but one thing I really want to do was to paint more, and to do that you need canvas. Which remember, I don't have.

Enter the package.

It was shipped to my front door from the Lead Singer's Best Friend. How could she have known that I needed them? She has no clue when it comes to the supplies I need. I love her. I love her for listening to that little voice, and then acting on it.

Again, I'm not saying that I'm receiving because I'm giving... I'm just going to continue on this path and encourage you to join me in giving, with a grateful heart, to the Giver who loves you more than anything and really really really wants to give you good gifts.

I can hardly wait to see how the Best Friend is blessed cuz of this gift... cuz she blessed my socks off.

 Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

 Luke 6:38 Msg