to find a pure heart.

He steps out of his house, overcome with the need to hear. Stepping over all of the litter that lines his front steps he strains to see what his heart longs to feel. Two words repeated over and over on his lips are the simply cry from his heart. Pure heart. Pure heart. He meditates and searches everyone he meets. Gazes that flutter by intent on their own schedules, demands, life. Is it possible that there are no pure hearts in this place? Questions mount up on eagles wings and take flight, soaring high, desperately wanting to land somewhere safe where the answers are found. He keeps walking. Looking. Searching desperately wanting to find a pure heart. He tires. He sits. Weary from the journey of many years. 

A stranger comes to sit by him. Talking starts and suddenly a wave crashes over he who seeks and he is drenched in safety. The words pour from his lips. Things deep within are brought to the surface to join the wave and the water heals. The wave of grace was given. Safety was found in time. The release of something you can not control- the ticking of the clock to someone else. Time to be human. Time to process all that takes place in this sinful world. The stranger had time, and he gave it. 

A pure heart can't help but give grace to those around them.  Which in turn gives safety.. which in that safety gives he who seeks a chance to become pure. It was God's plan along. 

Always there, just might not always be visible.

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I'm fully aware that the above might not make complete sense to anyone of you my dear fellow readers. I'm fully aware that its confusing and even rather simple in it's delivery. What I do know is that stepping out my house this morning wanting to take an image of this...

 I turned around and the moon had yet to fade away..so I snapped the image that is in the story above.

 

The words pure heart came to mind.. then it wasn't me in the story..it was a young "he" 

 An image played across the screen in my head of the very human need of being safe in relationships.. and that it can only come from God. 

That's all I know.. the rest is up to God. 

intent

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. 

Aim at earth and you get neither.
~C.S. Lewis

to play well.

My oldest changer has a natural talent to listen to music and then pluck it out on a stringed instrument. Its rather interesting watching him listen intently to each individual note inside a melody. Then almost instantaneously playing each note perfectly. Blending those strings to make a beautiful song that bless those who hear. We gave him his first guitar several years ago, but that isn't the one he uses today. No, he grew out of that one,  now he has several that he uses in different settings depending on his mood, and expectations of the listeners. I love to listen to him play, it truly is a gift. In someways I wish he could do nothing more than sit and play all day to hone the skills he has. Become a giver of beauty to all who hear, but we all know thats not possible in this world of responsibilities and expectations. 

The constant flow of information, the search for the person you want to be, the battle between who you are and the one your teachers, parents, coaches and a host of other adults think you are. It is a constant chorus of minor chords. Being a teenager is tough, and just because I was a teenager once, doesn't mean I know what they need, want, or have all the answers when it comes to parenting them well. I am as clueless as it comes to this musical symphony. What I do know is that with anything it takes practice, even if you have a natural ability. Time and effort simply must seep into the musical score if you want to play well.

This season has been tough, I'm not going to hide that fact. I have amaxin changers, but we are all sinful and that makes living a bit interesting sometimes around here. I love them enough however, to resolve to be a better parent. Change starts with me, and instead of choosing to live a life that I know hasn't worked in the past... I choose to make a few very subtle, as to not freak out the lead singer, changes. Here's your chance world changers to be in the know of your mom's heart.. pay attention. 

1. I choose to show you love no matter what mood you are in,

 with an encouraging voice.

2. I choose to pray for your hearts daily.

3. I choose to spend quality time with you on your terms,

 seeking nothing in return.

4. I choose to spend quality time in the Word daily,

so my strength in this is not my own.

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This post started with questions in my head.. what is working in my parenting? whats not working? what could I be better at with God's help.  Am I relying on the Orchestrator of all.. or am I relying on my own natural ability? What new habits can I develop in this area?  How would you answer?

the walnut lesson.

I think I captured one of my favorite images ever on New Years Eve. As so often is the case, I run out the door minutes before the sun sets and search for what He would have me capture. A little bit of Him for me at that moment to share with you.

Yah that's not it, but the whispers start there. I looked down and saw a seed, not the walnut all covered up. Potential. A covering of what will be. It was brief the conversation between Him and I, but I knew exactly what He was trying to tell me.

A few year ago, I was lead rather blindly into a discipleship course that changed my life. A course that gently takes your hand and shows you that God wants and desires so much more of you and for you. This course isn't for the timid, heck no. Your personal pride and everything you thought you knew gets a 180 and you spin outta control for a bit while you find your balance in Him, your Father. With the help of others who are experiencing the same thing you are shown the lies that the evil one has attached into the fabric of your being every so cunningly.  Uncovering what was meant to be planted by God in rich soil. 18 months of week after week to recalibrate my inner most being. God showed himself strong in those hard steps and I of course give Him all the glory that He deserves. I am truly nothing without Him.

Once you have experienced something so grand and life changing, you want it desperately for those you love.  But the evil one works overtime at even the mention of such, and even the thought of a different way is cast away and life continues on. Which brings me of course to the walnut.

If I pry the covering off early by my own hands the seed gets exposed, but the ground that it is supposed to be planted in is frozen. If it's my timing and not the Fathers, more damage is done, and the walnut gets stuck on the fence.. and true change won't happen. A waste of a seed at that moment. Nope, my hands won't do this walnut any good. I have to wait. To allow the Fathers ultimate plan of seasons and time to slowly remove the covering and plant the seed, and knowing that drives me to pray. 

To pray desperately for the unity that could be, but isn't. A oneness with brothers, sisters, spouses, and children that comes from the Father. Each seeking His face first, to be closer to each other here on earth without reservations and paradigms. To pray that the covering will be stripped away so that the potential that He put there is planted. Only then, when the seed is planted by the Father can I  nourish it and care for it. Until then, my only job is to lift the seed up in prayer. 

Now, I think you can see the beauty of my favorite image ever. It's really not just a gross walnut with flaws. It is a beautiful seed... just waiting and willing me to lift it up to the Father. 

"That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. Romans 8:21-22 The Message

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