Thursday, February 12, 2009

i am having a hard time fitting in.

it's supposed to be easy.   

take a class, serve a few places, pick your favorite, then serve till you die.   easy.

not so.. if you are a "has been"

i used to lead. i used to be the one to vision cast. i used to be the one to select team members. i used to give and give.. until one day.. i had to stop... and let God take over.

excuse me if i seem to be talking out of line.. i have jumped in mid-stream.. the story is much longer, but i'm not sure that matters. 

what matters is where God wants me now.. and having been where i have been.. it's not that easy to know where i should be now.

doing the hard things has become addicting.  God's hand has been so evident. 

Except in that i have no clue where to serve the local church.  I  scream at Him.. "WHERE DO YOU WANT ME!???!!".. but when i do.. silence.

i have no answers. no resolutions.... they are coming i'm confident.. but right now.. i have a huge part of my life i would love to give... 

o i think..  Come on girl.. buck up .. you have things to do.. clean toilets, clean, clean , clean... heck i could clean after my family 100% of the time.. and still be cleaning.. but does cleaning change the world? of course it does, (i've been told.) but there has to be something more fun.... more exciting.. more challenging... more anything.. but toilets..... 

but i supposed that i'll keep doing what i'm doing until He whispers... and i hear Him.. i sooo hope i have patience for that. 

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:18-19

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