the nature of Him.

As a librarian, it helps to read books, so that you can recommend those books to patrons that come in and ask. No brainer right? 

Well, God has me on the "read only the Bible plan." so I have read no fiction books for a really long time.  I'm super OK with that, but there was this one book that I really really wanted to read, but I knew I wouldn't be able to even if I owned it. So I just put it out of my mind. 

Until.

A sweet friend gave me my very own copy. I didn't have to struggle with weather or not I should be reading it, because she read it and God told her to give me a copy. I love that she had no clue I even knew it existed. When God says read, you read.  Last night I got through chapter two and cried all the stinking way through, and of course, the good King Hezekiah was there.. so you can bet my ears and heart are totally engaged. 

He even wrapped it like I imagine He would. 

and put a uber cute hand sewn bookmark inside..  

"Blessed are those that who keep his testimonies, 

who seek him with their whole heart." Psalm 119:2

God doesn't speak to all of us the same way, He also may not speak in the same way over and over to you the same way.  He's creative.. I love that about Him. When He speaks and you hear.. you will know, and if you chose to obey His voice. He will bless you. It's just the nature of Him. 

if you give her a cupcake...

He hands her a box of cupcakes and she smiles.

and that smile will remind her that she has friends who like cupcakes. 

So, she'll log onto facebook and find some to share her cupcake smile with.

and she'll see friends that have status's that remind her that life isn't always cupcake happy

like, some friends are knee deep in school, 

some had important practices cancelled,

 moving rooms in a hospital,

 packing up a truck to live in for a really long time,

 a relative in hospice, 

or sitting vigil with a sick child...again.

and she will try to spread some cupcake love via words.

and the words she uses will no doubt reach their intended eyes, due to the little red notification bubble.

and when she thinks of that little red bubble,  she is reminded that words are so very important.

so she will grab her bible and read His words.

"then we who are alive, who are left, 

will be caught up together 

with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, 

and so we will always be with the Lord."

1 Thessalonians 4:17

and thinking about being with Jesus forever 

will start her wondering if Jesus likes cupcakes.

and that thought will make her smile..... because she's confident He does.

do you see?

I can't run from him, he's everywhere. When I "happen upon" him again and again.. I wonder again, if I am missing something important. Something huge and right in my face that I should be seeing.

I have sought and sought his life out piece by piece. Studying like I was in college for my nursing degree. I think I know everything I need to know about him. Until, I happen on another instance when he appears, and he stands before me asking me again... do you see? do you know?  

I shake my head.. nope.

what's most frustrating is that when his story appears... it reminds me of pride.

You can't pass by pride and not see it. 

Unless it's built on your land, where it is a constant fixture. Big and obstructive at first, you get used to seeing it, but you know it's never going to go away.. so you just get used to the constant hum, the different view and go on with your daily life. 

In yesterday's post, "displaying forgiveness."  The verse that God gave me to use.. 

was penned by none other than sweet King Hezekiah. 

And until sitting down to type this post, I had no clue. 

So the question still remains.. 

What am I missing? 

displaying forgiveness

Fabric, I love to call it Possibilities, maybe because it confuses the Lead Singer into thinking that I'm really not headed to the fabric store... Ok, I'll admit it's an addiction. I love the bolts of fabric all lined up and organized, ready to be called into service and made into something by steady hands that makes people smile and happy.  Lately though, I've been rummaging through my fabric scrap stash and deciding in my heart that I really don't need to buy new possibilities until I deal with the scraps.

I guess that's where the idea for the activity I shared with local school kids yesterday came from.  To share some of my scraps of fabric with them. So they could turn something that I had hidden in my closet into something beautiful and worthy of display. 

"Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness;

 but in love you have delivered my life

 from the pit of destruction,

 for you have cast all my sins behind your back." 

Isaiah 38:17

It was two years ago when I was called out of ministry, and a good friend (happy birthday by the way!) and I were actually riding around the countryside lost. I'm not even sure where we were headed.. all I remember is what she said.

 "Kelly, He will leave, but He won't leave until you forgive him in your heart." 

( I'm sure I hated her at this moment...so we'd better fast forward

 a few years before we get stuck on that.)  

Oh man, it was hard. I'm not going to lie to you.  I had a brother on his knees for me in prayer at home, a sister on the cell phone pumping me full of verses, coaxing my body physically out of the car, twice. 

This man I was meeting, fired me, and I as much as I had already forgiven him in my heart. It was a very physical battle to walk into the same room with him, and show him that. The possibilities of him rejecting my offer was very alive, although I knew He's a very Godly man, and he would never laugh me off, but when the adrenaline is pumping.. your brain comes up with a ton of unreasonable possibilities. 

I sat in a room, knee to knee with the person I had held responsible for deep deep turmoil in my life. I was finally ready to bring out the scraps of unforgiveness and hand them over to him, and 20 minutes and at least 20 tissues later it was over, and I had been blessed big time. After all the mean and horrible things I felt, did and said..He forgave me, no questions asked. and then He asked for my forgiveness too. 

Two weeks ago was his last week as a pastor at our church. I did want to tell him that I think the only reason he even came to our church, was for my benefit.  I know that would have been selfish of me... he is a good man, and deserves way more than I'll ever be able to give him. It's funny, but I'll miss his face around our church building. 

I thought the scraps were hidden away, unseen, dealt with in my heart. 

Until I hauled all of the them outta the closet.

and started walking a very very hard path, 

 a straight and narrow path,

 designed by God,

 lit up by believers on all sides of me.

 and when I pulled out my deformed heart, and showed it for all it's ugliness,

God made it into something new, something worthy to display for His glory.

He gets the glory.... all of it.