Another Happy Day

i'm not blogging today.

2012-02-10T11:26:00.000-06:00

Golly, I haven't written for a long time. Makes me giggle knowing that none of you dear sweet readers are pestering me to blog more... lol.. yes, I know we all have very busy lives, and I know this is more therapy for me to write then for you to read, so no hard feelings. Not a single one.. So, now that we are all on the same page.. Lets get caught up ok?

I've been making lovelies. Lots of them.

Infact, I have given up dinner making and laundry for such things as this...

Which I have been putting off creating for about a week. It's a grandma, and those words have been in my head for about a week, but someone out there needs them... so I created it and now I get to watch God work. (it's a 5x7 canvas)

Speaking of God...

no, Kelly... that is Walmart, not God.

This lovely was commissioned by my brother. He did give me a picture to look at, but then thats it. I will write more about this particular one in another post, maybe.. it has a great story. Ever washed feet before? Ok, I must move on..

nooo Kelly, thats the volleyball court.. your not blogging about all the time your spending at practices..

I have also been planning and leading a park and rec class for 16 students. It's been so much fun. I am a bit more relaxed than I ever have been, and that makes me happy. This next Monday we will be sculpting.. so I'm headed to Hobby Lobby.. but thats AFTER I go prove to the state that I DO have insurance... oh yes... I got a ticket..

one last thing... that barn door?... yah... it's going to be the anchor in the display of my lovelies.. in a window.. uptown... WHOOOHOOO!!! Praising Jesus for his provision.. and after I freaked out a bit about that.. I remember I'm not blogging about that either today.

Infact, I shouldn't be blogging.. I should be leaving.. I gots me things to do.

~HapPyDaY FoLks!!

be.

2012-01-25T11:34:00.000-06:00

Just be with me, No plans, no agendas. Just Be. I'll show you secrets hidden that only are for you. I'll bless you and guide you. Just sit here and be. There's a river of joy, peace, patience, kindness that you can swim in, relax in, Be in. Just Be.

Being with someone takes emotional currency.

Being for someone means you have an opinions.

Being by someone means you have to think about social behaviors.

Being still- well that encompasses all your thoughts, actions,

body movement, physical posture, difficult to say the least.

One must train themselves to be still, it does not happen overnight.

The struggle comes when an outside force forces action.

Your environment is essential,

but not necessary- yes, in the beginning- but not forever.

It's a learned process- to be.

The exciting thing is that there are different levels of be.

One must strip off each level like a bandaid and learn to live there,

all the while finding another level.

The skill of be is at it's best

when you can be in a crowded room or even standing outside in the cold, and have a still heart. Focused on the One that matters.

Drawing His sweet scent in and letting that aroma become you.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

the process spelled out.

2012-01-19T10:29:00.000-06:00

A brush in had I sit. First a color blended with white, isn't everything better when mixed with white? Then, the internal gets in the way. Thoughts and feelings that echo the lies buried deep within a person.

You aren't worthy of this

You are wasting your time.

You should be doing laundry or something worth while.

You don't know enough about this.

You need a college degree, more training.

Yet, I pick up a color and blend. Ever mixing, putting one stroke in front of the other, all the while my soul cries out to the One who Spoke things into being. Words created the firsts. I rely on the Word. My you's turn into He's.

He is worthy.

He is trust worthy.

He is life.

He is Truth.

He is my Savior.

He is peace.

He is Joy.

He is happy.

He is my source.

My words join with His words and I give myself over to the process of creating. Deep in the flow of the Spirit an image appears and we dance over the canvas together. The Giver giving strength where I am weak. He speaks and I capture the words.

The process takes little time, and to tell you the truth I feel very guilty accepting any form of payment for God's creation through me. I struggle over it's "re-gifting" feel that comes so easily if I am forced to put a price tag on a canvas.

So, for a while I am not.

I am instead, raising money to help a ministry that has touched my heart, through words. Kimberly Smith, the author and co-founder of Make Way Partners leads a ministry deep into stopping human trafficking, which is just a buzz word for actions carried out by humans straight from the pit of hell in my opinion. Half of whatever comes in by donation from each print is sent directly to this ministry, who is in the business of rescuing, feeding, and restoring hope into hundreds of children. Children that are forced by adults into nightmares.

There is a place of peace, of complete happiness that I love to visit. It's there, holding onto my Father's hand, that He shows me that I'm on the right path, a path that He leads me on.. and finally I can say.. I have things to do, and places to go...and that makes my heart very happy.

**the above 11x14 original lovely has a suggested donation of $50, because some folks just need a guideline. ;) **

Dear Someone,

2012-01-17T13:43:00.000-06:00

My initial thought was nooooooooo way am I ever going to paint that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not only did I not know how to paint it well, but who in their right mind would want to buy it if I DID paint it. The colors are blah, and it looks rather easy when you scrutinize it. and it's not very "happy" when you look at it.. and.. and... and.... and I also knew not everyone who sees the final product wouldn't get it.. and then I'd be labeled a "weirdo". (Which makes me giggle slightly to myself. I'm not sure when that switch of having people care what I create turned to "on," but I'm trying to fight that current and turn it "off.") So, in an effort to become bolder in my walk, and more confident in what Jesus calls me to create.... I will share. Not for you to look at me with glimpses of "oh my goodness she's dumb, or wow Kelly, you are becoming mystical." I don't care about that. I was told to share.. so I will.

***enter shaking knees here****

ok, deep breaths.. I'm ok... really...

Dear Someone,

You need to know that He really cares for you and He really loves you and He wants you to know that there are people fighting tooth and nail for you to be released from the darkness that surrounds you. To give you hope. People are pouring their prayers out for you moment by moment so that you can be free.

...and when the freedom from the darkness comes... your picture changes meanings.. From a saving prayer to a personal prayer for your own soul.

Moment by moment you will need to cry out and claw through the internal darkness that resides inside your soul and reach toward the Light. The Light that heals. Have courage, and know that Jesus loves you through everything.

I'm in tears writing this to you, Someone. There is hope, fight for it. I pray that you have enough courage to come forward and claim your picture. It's yours.

Kelly

my dream for the day

2012-01-16T11:28:00.000-06:00

Ever have one of those days when you can't focus? I giggle slightly at writing that mainly due to the fact that I think thats an everyday thing for me, and I have just learned to live in the chaos of it all. Somehow functioning. Always feeling behind the 8 ball.

It is Monday. A day I set aside the normal for the mundane. The day I get the house in order, or at least try, after the world changers and the lead singer have been home for the weekend. Maybe it is the canker sore on the right side of my tongue, persistently irritating my thoughts. Or maybe its the stench of the cat litter that I refuse to change, yes, we have a cat in the house... imagine that. He was one of the lucky ones, and dreadfully adorable.. but he still makes messes.

A mess. That is what I feel like. A dozen projects in each room calling for my attention.. and here I sit staring a the screen of my mac pounding out my frustrations with myself. Why can't I just get it together. When did laundry, dishes, floors, cat litter become more important that my dreams and goals?

For that conversation to even begin in my head is a dangerous thing. What in the heck ARE my dreams and goals. I can tell you it's certainly not having the most tidy house in the world, or the most healthy food on the table, or even cookies in the cookie jar. Enough of the what my goals aren't, but I can't even being to list what my goals are. Is it even possible to admit that I think goals are dumb?

Ugh. I'm confusing myself. I'm sorry. Sometimes without editing my thoughts I confuse myself. If your still reading.. welcome to my brain.. today we are playing the reel "confused." belly up to the bar and grab a drink.

Focus. I didn't get that gene. Perhaps thats why I'm not very good at details? Ahhhhhh I'm depressing myself. Not my intention at all. I am a perfectly formed child of the Living God. I am worthy of His love and everything I do for Him is worth it. Everything. For. Him.

Everything. For. Him.

Excuse me... I'm going to go change the laundry... for Him.

Not because laundry is a goal or dream, but because being a stay at home mom means waking up and putting your big girl panties on and being a servant. A servant to Him, who blessed me with an amaxing family, life and the wonderful ability to make bread in my oven to cover up that stench coming from the litter box.

Which just maybe my dream and goal for the day, and that is 100% ok.

"Thus says the Lord: Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears,

for there is a reward for your work," declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 31:16

a prayer from a long ago john

2012-01-14T10:44:00.001-06:00

Holy Spirit of God, visit now this soul of mine,

and tarry within it until the eventide.

Inspire all my thoughts.

Pervade all my imaginations.

Suggest all my decisions.

Lodge in my soul's most inward citadel, and order all my doings.

Be with me in silence and in my speech,

in my haste and in my leisure,

in company and in solitude,

in the freshness of the morning and the weariness of the evening.

Give me grace at all times to rejoice in Thy mysterious companionship.

John Baillie

__________________________________

love the action words.. inspire, pervade, suggest, lodge...

hope your having a great Saturday with the Holy Spirit as your guide!

~kelly

the package

2012-01-11T12:53:00.000-06:00

I was in my favorite store the week before Christmas, with a pocket full of cash that was only to be used to purchase Christmas presents. I had five hours to shop for 23 people, so why was I staring at the canvas packs that were on sale? It was a GREAT deal and I needed them.. or thought I did. I rationalized myself outta that isle by telling myself that I really needed to sell a few more prints before I could even think about buying more supplies to make more... I left the store without buying them. Yeah me.

So, here's where I need to back up and let you in on a certain goal or rather desire I had a year ago in January 2011. I desired to tithe. If your not a church goer, that means that you voluntarily put hard earned money into a basket that is passed at church each Sunday, which in turn gets used for the needs of ministry at the church. I had tithed before, but this time was different. I was going to make it a habit, and not only that, but I was going to double my giving. Not a ton compared to some folks, but thats not the point... what is the point is that I'm not rich, nor do I work in the summer months. So, in order for me to keep my commitment to my local church I needed to generate some cash in anyway I knew how.

I'm not about to tell you that since I did "A" that "B" happened. In fact, I'm not suggesting that at all. What I do know is that when I started giving I started creating.. and God blessed me. He blessed me (and my family) with trips, a new camera, cash to give when I was short, ideas, motivation.. you name it God blessed me. I can't give God enough credit. He really does bless you abundantly when you give money not out of compulsion or reluctancy.

It is January 2012, and so far I haven't made any new goals. The ones I was working on in December have yet to play out, but one thing I really want to do was to paint more, and to do that you need canvas. Which remember, I don't have.

Enter the package.

It was shipped to my front door from the Lead Singer's Best Friend. How could she have known that I needed them? She has no clue when it comes to the supplies I need. I love her. I love her for listening to that little voice, and then acting on it.

Again, I'm not saying that I'm receiving because I'm giving... I'm just going to continue on this path and encourage you to join me in giving, with a grateful heart, to the Giver who loves you more than anything and really really really wants to give you good gifts.

I can hardly wait to see how the Best Friend is blessed cuz of this gift... cuz she blessed my socks off.

Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

Luke 6:38 Msg

to find a pure heart.

2012-01-09T09:58:00.000-06:00

He steps out of his house, overcome with the need to hear. Stepping over all of the litter that lines his front steps he strains to see what his heart longs to feel. Two words repeated over and over on his lips are the simply cry from his heart. Pure heart. Pure heart. He meditates and searches everyone he meets. Gazes that flutter by intent on their own schedules, demands, life. Is it possible that there are no pure hearts in this place? Questions mount up on eagles wings and take flight, soaring high, desperately wanting to land somewhere safe where the answers are found. He keeps walking. Looking. Searching desperately wanting to find a pure heart. He tires. He sits. Weary from the journey of many years.

A stranger comes to sit by him. Talking starts and suddenly a wave crashes over he who seeks and he is drenched in safety. The words pour from his lips. Things deep within are brought to the surface to join the wave and the water heals. The wave of grace was given. Safety was found in time. The release of something you can not control- the ticking of the clock to someone else. Time to be human. Time to process all that takes place in this sinful world. The stranger had time, and he gave it.

A pure heart can't help but give grace to those around them. Which in turn gives safety.. which in that safety gives he who seeks a chance to become pure. It was God's plan along.

Always there, just might not always be visible.

______________________________

I'm fully aware that the above might not make complete sense to anyone of you my dear fellow readers. I'm fully aware that its confusing and even rather simple in it's delivery. What I do know is that stepping out my house this morning wanting to take an image of this...

I turned around and the moon had yet to fade away..so I snapped the image that is in the story above.

The words pure heart came to mind.. then it wasn't me in the story..it was a young "he"

An image played across the screen in my head of the very human need of being safe in relationships.. and that it can only come from God.

That's all I know.. the rest is up to God.

intent

2012-01-07T08:03:00.000-06:00

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in.

Aim at earth and you get neither.
~C.S. Lewis

to play well.

2012-01-05T10:41:00.000-06:00

My oldest changer has a natural talent to listen to music and then pluck it out on a stringed instrument. Its rather interesting watching him listen intently to each individual note inside a melody. Then almost instantaneously playing each note perfectly. Blending those strings to make a beautiful song that bless those who hear. We gave him his first guitar several years ago, but that isn't the one he uses today. No, he grew out of that one, now he has several that he uses in different settings depending on his mood, and expectations of the listeners. I love to listen to him play, it truly is a gift. In someways I wish he could do nothing more than sit and play all day to hone the skills he has. Become a giver of beauty to all who hear, but we all know thats not possible in this world of responsibilities and expectations.

The constant flow of information, the search for the person you want to be, the battle between who you are and the one your teachers, parents, coaches and a host of other adults think you are. It is a constant chorus of minor chords. Being a teenager is tough, and just because I was a teenager once, doesn't mean I know what they need, want, or have all the answers when it comes to parenting them well. I am as clueless as it comes to this musical symphony. What I do know is that with anything it takes practice, even if you have a natural ability. Time and effort simply must seep into the musical score if you want to play well.

This season has been tough, I'm not going to hide that fact. I have amaxin changers, but we are all sinful and that makes living a bit interesting sometimes around here. I love them enough however, to resolve to be a better parent. Change starts with me, and instead of choosing to live a life that I know hasn't worked in the past... I choose to make a few very subtle, as to not freak out the lead singer, changes. Here's your chance world changers to be in the know of your mom's heart.. pay attention.

1. I choose to show you love no matter what mood you are in,

with an encouraging voice.

2. I choose to pray for your hearts daily.

3. I choose to spend quality time with you on your terms,

seeking nothing in return.

4. I choose to spend quality time in the Word daily,

so my strength in this is not my own.

_____________________

This post started with questions in my head.. what is working in my parenting? whats not working? what could I be better at with God's help. Am I relying on the Orchestrator of all.. or am I relying on my own natural ability? What new habits can I develop in this area? How would you answer?

the walnut lesson.

2012-01-02T09:27:00.000-06:00

I think I captured one of my favorite images ever on New Years Eve. As so often is the case, I run out the door minutes before the sun sets and search for what He would have me capture. A little bit of Him for me at that moment to share with you.

Yah that's not it, but the whispers start there. I looked down and saw a seed, not the walnut all covered up. Potential. A covering of what will be. It was brief the conversation between Him and I, but I knew exactly what He was trying to tell me.

A few year ago, I was lead rather blindly into a discipleship course that changed my life. A course that gently takes your hand and shows you that God wants and desires so much more of you and for you. This course isn't for the timid, heck no. Your personal pride and everything you thought you knew gets a 180 and you spin outta control for a bit while you find your balance in Him, your Father. With the help of others who are experiencing the same thing you are shown the lies that the evil one has attached into the fabric of your being every so cunningly. Uncovering what was meant to be planted by God in rich soil. 18 months of week after week to recalibrate my inner most being. God showed himself strong in those hard steps and I of course give Him all the glory that He deserves. I am truly nothing without Him.

Once you have experienced something so grand and life changing, you want it desperately for those you love. But the evil one works overtime at even the mention of such, and even the thought of a different way is cast away and life continues on. Which brings me of course to the walnut.

If I pry the covering off early by my own hands the seed gets exposed, but the ground that it is supposed to be planted in is frozen. If it's my timing and not the Fathers, more damage is done, and the walnut gets stuck on the fence.. and true change won't happen. A waste of a seed at that moment. Nope, my hands won't do this walnut any good. I have to wait. To allow the Fathers ultimate plan of seasons and time to slowly remove the covering and plant the seed, and knowing that drives me to pray.

To pray desperately for the unity that could be, but isn't. A oneness with brothers, sisters, spouses, and children that comes from the Father. Each seeking His face first, to be closer to each other here on earth without reservations and paradigms. To pray that the covering will be stripped away so that the potential that He put there is planted. Only then, when the seed is planted by the Father can I nourish it and care for it. Until then, my only job is to lift the seed up in prayer.

Now, I think you can see the beauty of my favorite image ever. It's really not just a gross walnut with flaws. It is a beautiful seed... just waiting and willing me to lift it up to the Father.

"That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. Romans 8:21-22 The Message

_____________________

prepare.

2011-12-31T08:50:00.001-06:00

The moments between holidays in December roll lethargically around here. Fresh memories of time well spent with relatives bounce in between the thoughts of the coming new year. A fresh start in a couple of hours. It's coming, and all I can think is, am I prepared?

I get so frustrated sometimes when preparing for life. I have to get the changers up and see to it that they have their stuff in order, sign planners, mittens for the youngest, and money for the oldest. Then there is meal planning, grocery shopping, laundry, and then ever present mess left by my four resident ADDers. Sport and music schedules, financial records to keep and balance, beds to change and floors to sweep. Lesson plans to find and prep, and taking out and putting away all my creation supplies. Life is so messy when I don't prepare, and I'm not even that good at it. It's details. The constant fight between who I am in Christ and who I slipped into believing I was.

A wise man in my life once said, "Prior proper planning prevents piss pour performance." Even if you don't like those words, you can't argue with that truth. Preparing is everything.

John the Baptist. He gets a bad wrap sometimes, eating weird things and proclaiming words that didn't help him seem off his rocker. He was given the ultimate job of preparing for Jesus's ministry here on earth. John, a baby from the womb of a woman, was given the task to prepare the way for the Lord. Thats a high calling, and I half wonder if John ever wanted to say "to heck with this whole thing, these people are too stupid, why on earth do they even deserve you Lord to come?" He didn't of course. He kept on keeping on preparing the way. He painted a picture of a different life. A simple, better way to live. Someone has to go first, and John was picked to prepare.

Someone has to go first, to show people there is a different way to live. To take the brunt of the change and make it a doable thing. Full time job, of course, but it starts with me, and my heart. Do I look at preparing with details and drudgery? or do I look at it as blessing and making my paths straight for others to follow? Answers come, but I'd rather not answer here in public, because I very often fall very short of preparing well. Then the words of a dear brother in Christ ring very loudly in my soul, drilled there by him many times over, "Give yourself grace sister." Grace given, I begin crying out again in preparation of the new.

In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand," For this is he who was spoken of by the prophet Isaiah when he said,

"The voice of one crying in the wilderness:

Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight."

Matthew 3:1-3

"Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen

no one greater than John the Baptist."

Matthew 11:11

Preparation is important. Jesus had it, so I'm thinking we could benefit from it... a little.

for a Savior, we wait.

2011-12-24T07:56:00.000-06:00

The world would stand as it was. Beautiful and wanting. Decaying under the penalty of the snatched power it had thought it carried. The world, everything in it, needed the Word at that moment...so it waited.

Thoughts and questions ring out generation after generation. Were the Words true? When He spoke were they all true? Will the Word ever become flesh? Who will save us if the Words aren't true?

Words, it was all words. Just talk. Here Say. Years pass. People forget. Broken lives happen.

Words lost then found. Words fought over, and rejected. Words heard and forgotten.

It was the Word that could change the world, unless the Words weren't true,

The world waits for a Savior.

"So, you, by the help of your God,

return, hold fast to love and justice,

and wait continually for your God."

Hosea 12:6

always covered

2011-12-21T10:30:00.000-06:00

First day of winter. Shortest day ever and I have so much to do, blogging shouldn't be one of them, but I have had this on my heart for a while now, and interaction with a few close friends tell me I'm on the right track thinking that the next few days are filled with a couple of things that trigger something deep within us all.

It starts with the big picture, everyone excited to see each other, together. Family under one roof, for what may seem eternity. Struggling as you go through the motions because someone somewhere a million years ago decided for you that family was a great thing and buying gifts and eating together were expected, especially on this day. Christmas. A day when it seems the world stops and the focus on family takes center stage. A day when drinking is at it's all time high I'm sure. Used as a numb out, to kill those feelings like you don't exactly fit in. To kill that growing sense of failure, that trail of guilt, to deafen constant bickering between those you love. Have another drink, this day will be over faster. The day ends like all other times... you wanting nothing to do with those whom you call family. Thankful that there are 365 days at least until the expectation is on you again. Collapsing into bed you cry yourself to sleep... why is life with family so hard?

Patterns repeat themselves, generationally speak of course. You do what your mom did, or what your father didn't do. It's a lens in which you see the world. A chain reaction that you had no choice but to follow. Feelings of regret, guilt, behaviors, hang-ups, emotional garbage all passed from one generation to the next. Freely. Unintentionally.

Once you are blessed enough to know that you don't have to live like that. In that same chain.. you decide. You choose to live differently. A motivation from Above that requires an emotional distance from the chain you grew up in. Living differently requires courage. The link you have become doesn't quite fit. You have chosen to not believe the lie that life needs to be this way with family. You choose to be in a different family. A family that loves, accepts, and honors your steps. A family that cherishes your heart, and encourages you on your journey. A family that isn't the one you grew up in. This family is the Body. The hands and feet of the Savior. Jesus.

I personally can't change the days ahead for you, my sweet reader. I can only encourage you to look for the good in life. The candles on the table, the way your mom's cookie jar is always full, a brief word from your father that blesses you instead of curses your heart, the phone call from your son. It's the little things. The joyful admist the painful. Think about the Truth you know. The way God loves you and the way He shows you while your exchanging gifts, and sharing that meal. Then, when the holidays are over...

Do some hard work and plan to spend the next 365 days intimately connected with the Father who loves you, cares for you, and would never ever do anything to harm you in anyway. You just might.. if you look at the past images.. find that He was your covering all along. In fact, He covered your whole family...like frost on this first day of winter.

"Oh Lord my God, I have cried to you for help,

and you have healed me."

Psalm 30:2

love is baked.

2011-12-20T09:46:00.000-06:00

They needed cookies, but I'm not convinced they realized that making cookies took all day.

Cracking eggs, learning the abbreviations for measurements, washing dishes.

It all was a process. A messy baking process.

In the end, we had cookies. Yummy cookies.

I hear a ton of talk about the absence of snow in our little corner of the world. I'll agree snow is a wonderful thing at Christmas time, however I wonder if the lack of snow means the abundance of something else we miss when we look at what we don't have. Like the lack of cookies means you need to get together with friends and intentionally bake some.

Of course it's a process that might take all day... perhaps longer.

Just focus on what you do have, call a few friends and in the midst of the mess

you just might see God showing His glory to you.

And when your cookies are done, you can be thankful and share them

with friends who need some fresh baked cookies.

intentional death

2011-12-19T10:20:00.000-06:00

I brought my camera intending to capture the night. Wanting desperately. Seeking silently. Ever watching for the moment when a small click in the corner would be appropriate. It never happened. I couldn't capture it. The raw emotion. The feeling. It became apparent that I was to play a role in the night. A bystander that needed a fresh touch of the blood. Willingly covered. What I witnessed was death. or was it life?

The best laid paths are the ones you build yourself right? Measuring so carefully that your steps and plans will be fulfilled. Until you find that when you look backwards it wasn't a very straight and narrow built path. Instead it's strewn about with wreckage and carnage of good intentions and destruction from the pit of hell. Misspoken words, a heart that wasn't always looking for the good in others, actions that were far away from the life you wanted to lead. It's sin. All that stuff behind you is sin and lies and it needs to be covered in the blood that Jesus freely gave to save you. His death can give you life. A life that you will never experience unless you die.

In that room, where people had done the hard work to examine the path that they had walked and were willingly, in front of others, dying to themselves was a feeling that I couldn't capture. Any image I would have taken would have been a substitute for the real thing. Pornography. A cheapening of the real deal. I couldn't. I didn't want to lessen anything. Instead of looking through the lens as a bystander. I grasped onto it with the eyes of my heart realizing that none would ever "get it" until they sat in my chair, in that room, with a God so big who became so little to show us how to love each other, love ourselves, and love Him. It was intimacy that I came to capture in my camera, but I captured it in my heart instead, a branding of Him. I had died to live, again.

He's in the details.

2011-11-29T09:10:00.000-06:00

She and I have spent hours and hours building trust. Quality time that only the God of us both could have orchestrated. I adore her. Well, she's a talker. I adore that about her. She ALWAYS has a story or two or three about anything and everything. When you sit down with her you quickly realize that she is a rare find. A jewel.

She sent me the following email this morning. I didn't ask her permission to share it before I am with you. It actually makes me giddy for her to open up her her direct email of this blog. She will freak out, but not because I am giving you her words exactly as written, but because she's humble to the core. I have read and listened to perhaps millions of her words and I'm telling you, if you read all of the ones below, you will be blessed and I pray that you will hunger for a God of the details.

__________________________________________

As I grew up, my mom would tell me I had a vivid imagination. Today, I really appreciate that the Lord put that in me...as I read the Bible or any book of interest, I can picture the scene in my mind. I can see a young Solomon, sitting with David, 'tender and the only one in the sight of his mother, being taught by dad.' David telling Solomon all about things of God. To love the Lord, to trust Him, to acknowledge Him in all his ways, and his path will be directed. As David was close to death he would tell his son,..you have wisdom, and know what to do. I see the love in so many of these people as I read. Jonathan and David had such a closeness, a bond that was not broken even through death.

How about King Hezekiah having a relationship with the prophet Isaiah. In the past I thought of these major prophets kind of behind the scenes,...not really someone to go talk to. It's just cool for me to know that when Hezekiah needed a prayer, a word in due season, he came to Isaiah. I bet they had great godly chats.

I can picture a very young Josiah begin to seek God. Jeremiah was very young also, when he was called to be a prophet. Now envision Josiah and Jeremiah kind of growing in the Lord together. To see great things the Lord is doing, to give Him the glory,..I can picture them walking side by side making melody in their hearts. Josephus the historian, says that the prophet Jeremiah sang a song at Josiah's funeral, that was sung for the next 100 years. I believe they had a great relationship, and it must have been very hard when Josiah died.

What about Amos, another prophet. Taken from a book written in 1909..." He was not rich. His family had no distinction. He had to work hard. He lived in the country, had no training for public speech, and had no influential friends"..(that we know of). "Now he was to go into a hostile kingdom and there, in the face of ridicule, opposition and fierce threats, he had his say and made men hear...then he quietly went back home to his sheep and sycamore trees. As for training, it did come, in the form of time alone with the Spirit of God." Can you see all of this in your mind? The writer goes into more then likely he had a wife, a Mrs. Amos. Maybe she was thinking,..she should have married Amaziah! After all, if something happened to Amos, then what will happen to her and the kids. Sure, I can see the whole picture.

For me, I also love details. When I learn that someone is reading the Bible, or just got saved, I want to know the details! What are you reading? Is it exciting for you?? What happened to you, that made you turn to the living God 'for reals'! You can ask my brother-in-law, and he may tell you I'm a stalker in that way. It's too exciting to just 'just stand back'.. I want to hear the story behind it. I want to hear the things God has done in your life.

All of this is fresh in my mind, because I have been reading Acts. Paul was in Corinth. When Gallio became governor of Achaia, some Jews rose up against Paul and brought him before the governor for judgment. Gallio didn't want to concern himself with the matter. Sosthenes had been chosen to be the ruler of the synagogue so he would have been the one to present the case against Paul to Gallio. When Gallio let the matter go, the Greeks grabbed Sosthenes and beat him.

It hurt my heart for him, knowing he was beaten. I just didn't understand. As I looked more into this, in a couple of different study Bibles, and the commentaries, it says this same 'Sosthenes' may be the one who was with Paul in Corinthians 1:1..'Paul, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ through the will of God, and Sosthenes our brother.' All I could think of was..his story. When he was beaten, was that when he had enough of that past life? When Paul had preached, was Sosthenes in the crowd, and the still small voice of God making Himself known? I would love to be the stalker right now, and hear his story. If I am going to be obsessed, I'm glad it's this.

And when she's done talking I usually end up in my brain condensing down all those wonderful thoughts into a sentence that barely does all her words justice, but the beauty of the body of Christ is that it takes all of us to learn and grow. We can't do it alone. I for one am happy Deanna majors in details.. just like God.

the painting i would have missed.

2011-11-25T08:10:00.000-06:00

I can appreciate a great bargain, and truth be told my sisters and I spent hours yesterday talking shopping plans and whats on sale and who opens when. The Lead Singer LOVES black Friday. He's our go-to man on anything related. He loves a deal more than anyone I know and he left this morning with my dad to hit boy stores. Um.... no desire to go with them. Hmmm they didn't even invite me come to think of it. Gosh, I hope that doesn't mean my Christmas present is coming from Cabela's. Naw.. they don't have fabric there.. the Lead Singer is smarter than that, but I digress..

Well, I woke up this morning well rested. We ended up not attending the very early morning deals and are opting to shop locally today. Shop locally, what a great plan. There are some great people in our town that supply some great things capable of gift giving. Shopping locally is not a high calling. It just makes sense. However, this in and of itself, isn't the reason that we chose to not stay up all hours galavanting with the rest of the city to get the best deals of the year. Nope.

It was the wind.

Windy.

Unseasonably warm, yet windy.

The wind, plain and simple.

That's not an excuse. My sister just didn't want to go out into the wind and I really don't blame her. I normally hate the wind, but this morning I am thanking her. Had we went shopping, I would have been sleeping this morning when the skies turned bright pink with the first kisses of the sun.

When I'm remembering the good 'ole days I want to remember sunrises that God uses my favorite color to paint with... not the 200 bucks I saved on something fleeting.

just a man and a pen.

2011-11-24T09:36:00.000-06:00

One of the things I am extremely thankful for is my church. Some of my best friends in the whole wide world are there. You know the ones that you just know will be shacked up next to you in Gloryland, but even if they aren't you would walk the span of heaven just to spend time with them. It touches my heart deeply when I think of all the tears shed and growing up in the Lord we have done side by side. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. They are often my lifeline to reality. Setting my thinking straight and blessing me with wisdom well beyond this earth. Its sharing life together honestly that we moved beyond the shadows cast on us by the evil one.. past all the pride and selfish ambitions.. to safety. That's what I feel. Safe. A safe place to worship my Savior as He made me. Golly it takes work, with a capital "W" to be in a safe place where freedom is celebrated, but the benefits far outweigh the squirming and flip flops your soul does in an effort to see the Truth as a community. It's a beautiful thing. Trust me.

Thomas Obediah Chisholm

Born: July 29, 1866, Franklin, Kentucky.
Chisholm was educated in a small country school, and became its teacher at age 16.
At age 21, he became associate editor of the weekly newspaper, The Franklin Favorite.
In 1893, he became a Christian under the ministry of Dr. Henry Clay Morrison
Chisholm moved to Louisville at the persuasion of Morrison and became editor of the Pentecostal Herald.
He was ordained a Methodist minister in 1903 and served a brief pastorate at Scottsville, Kentucky.
In poor health, he moved his family to a farm near Winona Lake, Indiana.
He became an insurance salesman, moving to Vineland, New Jersey, in 1916.
He retired in 1953 to the Methodist Home for the Aged in Ocean Grove, New Jersey.
Died: February 29, 1960, Ocean Grove, New Jersey.

He wasn't all that successful. He never held a high office. By the look of this list his ministry was brief even. You might not know him, but you know one of his famous poems that was put to music. It is the song that you often hum to yourself when you are so thankful for Him that words just don't seem like enough. Words that are wrote by a man who wasn't anything special in the eyes of the world. Words that give my soul a voice.

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

there is no shadow of turning with thee.

thou changest not, thy compassions,

they fail not;as thou hast been thou forever will be.

Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;all I have needed thy hand hath provided;

great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

sun, moon and stars in their courses above

join with all nature in manifold witness to thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth

thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

It's this hymn. The words of a man who was just a man who loved God and liked to write that remind me that God is faithful to the core. He can't be anything but. It's this faithfulness that has allowed me to be a part of something way bigger than me. A church that searches out and clings to His faithfulness. A community of faithful believers who believe that being faithful to God is the most important thing in the world. When we meet, we remind each other there is strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. I need that reminder often.

He asked me a question.

2011-11-21T11:41:00.000-06:00

He smiled, took my face and asked me a question. I've heard the question asked many times over again through the Bible.. but Jesus was asking me. This was different. He wanted me to be sure deep down of somethings about Him. Confident. He reminded me that this wasn't a content question. He assured me that His fingerprints would be all over the answer so that I would know and also feel that I'm 100% right in His eyes. Do you even know how much that little gift means to me?? There really IS no wrong answer!

"Kelly, who do you say that I am?"

and He had me grab my camera.. and walk.

You are the morning sun revealing the night's secrets.

You are worthy to be trusted. You are constant. You are free.

Full of love for those who look, see and taste.

You are complete. You are perfect words.

You are the step giver who keeps my feet from stumbling.

You are my foundation. You are the Rock on which I stand.

You surround me with your grace. You are my cover.

You sometimes keep yourself hidden until my steps lead me to you. Discovery of You in me is part of the journey. You are a gift to be opened and shared. You are peace.

I just have to ask you friend.... Who do you say that He is?

"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord."

Hosea 6:3

how to motivate a hinge.

2011-11-14T16:13:00.000-06:00

The questions collide in my soul with the force of the sun at daybreak.

How do you motivate a hinge?

(proverbs 26:14)

and

Why did Jesus get seemingly all upset

at the woman asking to

heal her daughter

from a demon?

(Matthew 15:21-28)

Did you know that there are no kiddos in the bible that asked for anything of Jesus? No requests. Nothing. Nada. That surprised me, cuz well, my world changers ask for stuff all the time. They are children and they need stuff. So, why, in the most important book in my life is there no mention of children asking for anything? I think the answer is found in a hinge.

A hinge only works if someone attaches it to something. Then, it only moves if someone moves it. A hinge can't do anything by itself. It's a formed piece of metal that has a specific use. It doesn't get to decide if it wants to be a hinge. It just is. So when Proverbs likens a hinge to a lazy person it has me thinking.

My heart begins to sort out the evidence.

in the bible children don't ask for anything.. a parent does on their behalf
a hinge is like a lazy person.. it needs outside force for it to work.
children can be lazy and drive their parent's nutso.

A ton of bricks comes off my chest when I realize that it's my job as a parent to ask God to motivate a changer into something other than a door hinge. It's not my job to motivate. I can however, plead with the Father over and over just like the woman did when she asked that He heal her daughter in Matthew. Jesus wasn't mad at her for asking. He knew she had the faith and could have healed her right there on the spot, but maybe it wasn't about healing her daughter. Maybe it was about a woman drawing closer to the Father over and over on behalf of her child. Maybe instead of just trusting the hinge to work on it's own or even forcing it to work, the mother knew the only way for her daughter to be healed was to go to the Father ask him to move it... and to keep asking until the Father healed her child.

it's a yummy cupcake day!

2011-10-13T12:55:00.004-05:00

Today, I made cupcakes and I love them.

I got the recipe via pinterest, if you haven't started pinning yet... well, your getting more sleep than those who have. It's seriously the best thing ever for us visual folks. If your so inclined hop on over to via the linky and make a batch yourself. They whip up fast, and if you get 'em done before your world changers get off the bus.. you can even lick the frosting bowl. Go ahead, I won't tell.

HapPyDay Creations.

2011-10-12T15:01:00.000-05:00

Time ticks away silently as I labor over the vision that He has laid on my heart.

Over and over again, He and I connect through the process called creating. Him, loving me through the words and wishes of patrons that frequently stop on by. Me, honing my skills by repeating over and over again things I know. Together we dance.

We commune on a level I'm not sure I even understand. Tears frequent my eyes, as I pour out my heart.. and God whispers to my very soul. A whisper that is so sweet to my ears that I seldom believe it. A whisper that echos into those deep seeded lies, grabbing whats left of the roots and hurling them out. Together, we plant good seed. Happy seeds.

For those who read the words and see the beauty understand. It's from Him. It's His work. I am extremely grateful that those that join this journey with me and encourage my steps by purchasing the something that has touched their heart... God and I we love seeing you have more and more HapPyDaYs. With the very breath that He gave me... I can't thank you enough.

ahhh Italy!

2011-10-07T10:13:00.002-05:00

Are you thinking like I am that this was the never ending vacation? Seems like I've been tell you about it now forever. Regardless.. lets move on to the most fantastic day for views yet. If I would have googled anything about this day, I would have known what I was in for, but once again, brother-in-law "Rick Steve" came to the rescue and did the research, hired a private driver and off we went....

to the Almafi coast in Italy. Stunning in EVERY way possible.

Cities built into the mountains, makes me wonder how they did that a lot.

This is the first view of the city of Sorrento.. a deep valley right across the street from the parking garage. Here we shopped a little, but could have stayed the whole darn day. The weather was amazing and the shops were all unique and interesting.

Then after an hour or so we went further on to the city of Positano.

Tourist town of course, but it was just a darling little busy town.

In hindsight, I would have stripped down and dove in.. golly it was just beautiful to be standing the Mediterranean Sea with the man of my dreams.

Our driver then took us to a local place to eat. A place where the food came right off the land. I know here we can do that too, but to just partake in the goodness and not worry about the other stuff that comes with growing and preparing your own food, left me feeling very spoiled.

Here's the crew looking out right before we entered the restaurant.

Homemade mozzarella and tomatoes picked just moments before we devoured them.

If you ever get a chance... go there. Thats all I'm saying.

Being in the mountains, tunnels were very much a part of life. I think this one lasted 3 miles.. Kinda freaky if you ask me.

Then, onto Pompei.

Buried under the ash of Mt Vesuvius, Pompei was just blowing my mind. So much to think about while walking the streets of the city of 20,000 that once had so much to offer whoever visited.

Here's our guide, and the Lead Singer demonstrating how the people would cross the streets when it rained. Do you see the elevated rocks? I don't have the picture, mainly because it was daylight, but they inlayed bright reflective stones on the street, so that the lanterns from the chariots would reflect the street so that they could see the road. To say the people of Pompei were great builders is a vast understatement.

They even had spas, and what's weird is that it actually felt like a spa we'd have today.

If you haven't researched Pompeii, this might actually intrigue you. The person above was filled full of plaster type material when found, and a body emerged in the exact position of death, same with the following image.

One last shot of the mountain that cause the fall of Pompeii, and it was back to the boat.

Where we had formal night.

we almost made it home....

Rome... take two.

2011-10-06T09:21:00.000-05:00

I was just another tourist looking at Rome through the little view finder on my camera.

Amazed that all this was built by ancient folks who apparently

had knowledge far beyond what we give them credit for.

It was a folk who loved big.. the bigger the better.

A proud folk who relied on themselves and the grandness of what they created.

Art so well done that it stands for years. A tribute to the gods of Rome.

Mighty cathedrals built for a god they served.

Places where they gathered becoming just another view through the view finder.

Rome, I loved you, but I didn't love what you served.

My good friend Paul wrote you a letter, I wish more of you would have read it.

meanwhile back in Rome..

2011-10-04T11:23:00.000-05:00

It's true. What they say about seeing Rome in a day. It's impossible. Tourist are herded in and out of ancient ruins and beautiful art all awhile capturing images that just don't ever do the enormity of the city any justice. There are people everywhere. When you comment the locals say.."that's just how Rome is."

I lack so much knowledge about Rome, that irritated me the whole day. If only history was taught creatively.. I might have caught it. You can tell by the images that it was a whirl wind day, but I'd go back in a heart beat. Rome is amaxing.

standing in ROME! It's hard to really grasp that!

It was just all so big and beautiful... art.

This is the ticket that let us have a fast forward into the next place... I have never seen so many people in one spot in one line.. That ticket was a total gift from my brother in law. who we affectionately called Rick Steve.. it pays to do you homework!

and this next place was the Colosseum.... such a strange feeling to know your standing in the same place that many Christians died for their faith.. by FAR the best experience in Rome. Here's a few more images...

The line we waited in to get into the Basilica. It was HOT.

once in.. it was full of people and religion.

What fun to be standing on the Appian Way. I'd like to be there today and not doing this...

ok, enough stalling.. have a Happyday!!!

Wanna join me for dinner? in Italy?

2011-09-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

It's 6:09 pm and all the World Changers are sleeping. Can I just say that NEVER has happened before? I'm actually in shock! I even made another thing out of my recipe book this evening. Drats. THATS prolly why they chose to sleep. See those wonderful green things?

I cut them big enough so you could take them out if you like. Tasty little bugers. mmmmmm... and since I got to relish in this dish all alone this evening. I'm going to tell you....

Don't waste your time making it. There are crock-pot versions out there I'm sure you'd love better. It wasn't horrible by any means, but had my World Changers been awake... they woulda hollered... and that makes me not so happy.

However, I am in the mood to show you some more pictures from our trip of a lifetime.. so let me introduce you to the Chianti region of Italy.. a definite highlight in my week.

Road to a medieval village we visited

the castle at the winery we went too.

We had like a 18 course meal and a taste of the wine they produced here.

It was fantastic in every sense of the word.

We even got a surprise "we have a few minutes before the ship leaves we might as

well take a trip into Pisa." It's much smaller than the picture suggests... but I'm super glad we stared at this leaning building... you know beings its famous and all.

then, we get dressed up again and have dinner. Speaking of dinner, I should go clean up the kitchen.

Thanks for "eating" with me... can you come back when all the World Changers are up at 9 and entertain them? Please?

i miss my nikon..aka.. recipe for sugar cookies.

2011-09-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

It's a pretty popular recipe that goes by a gazillion names. My lovely book calls them "Angel Cookies."

I didn't frost them, only because the directions didn't tell me too. And well, I always obey the rules. Like how I used only butter and not shortening.. only cuz I don't even keep shortening on my shelf.. butter is WAY better. I suspect that's why they are all flat and happy. *sigh* O well. They still only took from start to finish about 30 minutes. Which, along with the butter, just makes me happy. Easy Peasy to whip up a batch and clean up before the World Changers get off the...

.....I hear the bus... the jury is about to arrive..

a short detour while on vacation...lets cook something

2011-09-07T19:10:00.000-05:00

Recipe books. Have you read one lately? Alright, I'll admit it. Besides being addicted to the Lead Singer's sweetness, fabric, and a host of other things.. I'm in love love love with cook books. Where else can you read something start to finish when your waiting for anything and everything. I'll admit also that I have always had a sweet dream of someday picking up a recipe book and making everything in it. Yes, everything. Not just the stuff I think my family will eat, but even the stuff I usually pass over.

I just lacked a book that I felt confident cooking from, that my picky world changers wouldn't wanna move out when I cook something for dinner.

Enter this little beauty.

Isn't she pretty? My sister nailed it when I told her it was written in 1973 and she said.."that's it then." Of course I had to use this one. Who cares if the first main dish was "Salad Bar Hot Dish for 300 Servings" or that later in the book there is a recipe for "Partridge." Get the gun world changer.. mommy needs ya to kill dinner. Hmmmmmm..... maybe we will just wait on that particular recipe.

What did I cook first? The official title is "Lasagna" however, after carefully perusing this particular recipe, you will notice, it's missing a key ingredient that even my family knew was missing.. can you spot it?

I apologize right now for the horrible image. Someone lost the battery to my Mr. Nick in Italy.. but that's another story...

All in all, the family gave this two thumbs up. I particularly loved it. It was yummy in all the senses, and ever though it sounds hard... it's totally not. Without further ado... here's the goods.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Lasagne

1 lb. Ground beef
1/2 lb Italian sausage
1 clove garlic (finely chopped)
1 med. onion (finely chopped)
1 large can tomato sauce
1 large can tomato paste
salt/pepper to taste
1/4 lb grated mozzarella cheese
Parmesan cheese
1 package lasagna noodles
1 T cooking oil
1 can pizza sauce or tomato juice

In heavy pan, cook meat, garlic and onion until meat is gray color. Add tomato sauce, tomato paste and salt and pepper to taste. Cook very slowly (stirring often) for 1 1/2 hours or longer, the longer the better. If sauce is too thick, add either pizza sauce or tomato juice. Sauce should not be soupy. About 1 hour before serving time, cook noodles in 3 q. kettle of boiling salted water to which 1 T of oil has been added. Cook until noodles are tender (about 10 minutes) then blanch in cold water. In deep 9x13 buttered pan, pour 1/4 of meat sauce, then a layer of noodles and some of the mozzarella cheese. Then add 1/4 of sauce, noodles, and cheese. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake 40-45 minutes. in 350 degrees oven. Remove from oven and let set or 10 minues. Much easier served this way. Cut into squares to serve.

________________________________________________________________________________

I'm crackin up at the wording they used back in the 70s in their recipes. If your not a cooker, your going to struggle a bit on words like "blanch" or if your detailed when the recipe calls for a "can" your going to wonder what size. Thats where the comments section comes in.. if your making this and need more info on what I used.. pipe in and I'll let ya know.. cooking is fun, and a learned thing.. and I'd be honored to share from my experience!

Every recipe in one book.. this is crazy......

nice is nice!

2011-09-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, after a fabulous night out at formal night, vacation doesn't stop there... so let's go to Nice!! It's pronounced Neece. I didn't know either. I also didn't know it was a fantastic place on this earth. If I had to pick one place to return to. It would be here. France!

mmmm.... REAL pizza.

Flowers climbing the walls.. sooo lovely.

Shops lined the streets of this medieval town.

The Lead Singer found this fun little stairway on our way out.

We just learned to trust his GPS. I'm certain he can't get lost. Ever.

Feet in the Mediterranean Sea anyone?

and of course... a pre-dinner shot of the sunset as we are leaving France.

By the morning, we will be docked in Italy! I'm still trying to absorb that we actually DID this.

i love....facts.

2011-08-30T09:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm just going to tell you the facts. If I don't stick to just the facts, I'm going to sound like a broken record and that might get annoying to you. Heaven forbid.

It's formal night on the boat. Which means that after a full day of sightseeing, you get to get all gussied up and eat, drink and if your my mom, dance. However, if you recently traveled across the globe, and you really like sleep, which you haven't partaken of in a few days.. your incredibly sleepy through the first formal night.. so you pray and hope the eat, drink, and be merry goes really fast, because your bed awaits.

Our dinner seating is at 9. That means by the time dessert is placed in front of you it's generally 10:30. So, when our waiter, Wilson, brings in my dessert on a covered plate, I think really nothing of it. Remember, I'm exhausted??

Fact #1 I'm totally spent. Sleeping in my pretty dress right there at the table. When Wilson brings out my dessert covered.

I wish I could tell you the emotion that was in my heart when I realized what was under the cover of my dessert. Tears flooded my eyes, and I whispered to my lead singer, who was sitting right next to me taking it all in.

It's hard to know exactly what to say during times of surprises. The planner of the surprise has such great expectations of the event that if you say even one thing that's "out of wack" you could ruin it for them.. so I said. "you can't afford this." he nodded, and I knew he had worked it all out.

On my finger today, is a wedding ring that the lead singer gave me that night at dinner.

I still can't type that without tearing up. It means so much more than a wedding ring this time. This ring has been through a ceremony of it's own even before I met it. Thats why I love it. This ring was given to me by three people. The couple of the first ceremony, and the lead singer. The ring I wear on my left hand symbolizes love. A love that is crazy to even admit can happen between fallen humans. There is nothing I did to deserve this love. Nothing. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm an extremely sinful human being.

Fact#2 I am loved.

Fact #3 I have no pictures of this event. Which is good for my memory.. cuz the way I remember it in my head is FAR better than the pictures could have been.. and that's a fact!

a bit of france.

2011-08-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

France... was well, very nice. We took a tour to a very small town filled with artisans that had little shops in the streets. I think pictures best tell this place.. so here ya go!

The view from the top of the city wall.

The flowers, streets, balconies, small doors and shops oh man, they were all very picturesque. I loved every minute of this little corner of the world.. and was very sad we only had but a brief stay.

After our stop at the medieval village, we drove through the countryside to a coastal town.

these were in a window.. all made out of candy.

we didn't tell him he was sporting those stickers.... until later, i think?

After walking and site-seeing/shopping we headed back to the boat. It's the first formal night.. and boy was I not expecting the surprise the Lead Singer rigged up... I'll save that story for tomorrow..trust me it's worth it.

boarding liberty.

2011-08-23T08:38:00.000-05:00

Bright and early in the morning the coach bus picks us up at the hotel in Spain, and we drive through the streets to the port to our ship. When I saw where the ship was made, I immediately felt at home. Ok, honestly I felt a little sad.. knowing I can't even take an international holiday without thinking about my family back in the Bahamas.. oh how I miss them... but what do you do?? Stay sad? Nope!

I snapped an image and looked forward to boarding.

Once on board, we found our way around the massive ship and played a little.

There was a pre-dinner show with this guy.. who is balancing on top of two bottles with a rubber ball in between. I and the Lead Singer were in awe.

and then, dinner. at 9pm.

a short sleep and we will dock in France!!

Steppin through.

2011-08-19T08:29:00.000-05:00

Just a few more steps and it's exploration time of the great city of Barcelona, Spain.

Step 1. Check into the hotel at 8am.

Step 2. Try to turn on the lights in our rooms.

Step 3 (for some) try to pull some weird concoction off the wall where the light switch should be

Step 3 (for others) ask the maids in the hallway in really bad Spanish... "donde' la luce?"

Step 4. Watch said maid insert room key into the weird concoction on the wall immediately turning on ALL the room lights.

Step 5. Collapse on the bed knowing you have a full day in a foreign country and you are waaaaay behind on the learning curve already.

So, Spain... Here we come! and it was a lovely day full of stepping one foot in front of the other...

walking...

and walking...

and then... sleeping.

Barcelona, I liked you. Even if being super tired was the way I spent my day with you.

35,000 feet up.

2011-08-18T08:40:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, I boarded an airplane with the Lead Singer... and a few other folks.

We stopped in Canada for a bit.

Then, hit the air in the red eye across the Atlantic. 7 hours in a plane. Over the ocean. I originally thought it was going to be boring, but God surprised me by showing me His grace and glory, all wrapped up in one. 35,000 feet up I wrote these words.

______________

One would think that while on vacation blogging wouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind, Yes, it's true, if your keeping track, that this is the third huge trip in three months. God is good is all I can say, Do I feel spoiled? Yes, but as a dear relative told me- that just means your loved.

So loved am I, that God painted a rainbow in the sky for me. Ok, so, I'm prolly a little narcissistic when I say that, but if He's my God then by golly I'm going to claim little victories over the prince of this world.

Many thoughts run through your head as you prepare for almost two years to spend a significant time away from the day to day. Most of all, it's the mommy in me who rears it's heart and struggles with just accepting a great gift and allowing God to be God.. even if something horrible happens and several babies are without mommies, daddies, and the best grandparents for the rest of their life.

Dying to self on vacation is the hardest time to die, but I'm positive it can be done. He promises, and he wrote it in the sky. 35,000 feet up. Where He knew I'd see it. He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me... ever. Dying is ok, in fact, it's encouraged.

__________

If God allows I'll share a few short stories and images from our travels in the upcoming posts.

It really was a trip of a lifetime... and God was all over it.

a walk i don't like.

2011-07-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

She has cancer. Stage four. Chemo started yesterday.

She is my sister in law. Oldest of four. Mother of two adorable spirited little girls.

Child of God.

We came home from taking the rock star world changer south to camp. We had someone watching them, we weren't worried at all. They'd be fine. They weren't.

My theory? Heat made them slow, scavengers scavenged.

She scurries down the path her and her friends usta walk every morning. I watch. She walks alone, and I cry for the first time. A moment when a single life needs to walk a walk they didn't chose.

A journey, although surrounded by lots of friends and family, that must be walked alone.

I hate cancer. I hate watching life fight for life.

Moment by moment I force my brain on the thought that God has all of this. All of it.

The loss of 6 of my ladies.

The cancer of my sister in law.

The future for her babies.

focusing on the things above makes it a bit easier... but I still don't have to like it.

"Set your mind on things that are above,

not on things that are on earth."

Colossians 3:2

to catch a squirrel.. and a giveaway!

2011-07-11T11:42:00.001-05:00

Desperately trying to get my house back in order before the heat gets too horrible, so I can't stay long today. In fact, I'm not even going to edit this! SEE how brave I am!

These past few weekends have been amaxing in almost every way, and I truly am blessed, but until I can find the time to upload a few pics of the wedding.. oh man, I need to finish that project...

I also need to sit and sew a few bags for those who expressed interest at the HappYDaY Creations booth I was priveldged to share my art at..thanks to the neighbors at the craft fair who showed me the ropes.... they do amaxing bead work.. love it all.

any one else see that squirrel? sometimes, it's best to read out loud.. ok, so maybe always.. but not to loudly, people will look at you weird.

Speaking of weird.. remember this book? I have been praying and praying about who else to give it too..and today.. Kimberly posted in that great place in the air called Facebook. That if I repost a blog post of Kimberly's they would offer a free book to one of my followers. I'm totally new to this give away stuff.. but this post WRECKED me. totally.... hard stuff for sure.... so here it is... in it's entirely beautifully written God given way. Please know that there are VERY VERY graphic pictures included in this post.

__________________

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Today, We Face Our Worst Times with an Insane Hope. Warning Graphic Images!

Eight years ago, a friend of mine and Milton’s, who is a director for Voice of the Martyrs, said to me, “Kimberly, what you’re doing to protect children from human trafficking is wonderful, but if you really want to help the most vulnerable women and children, you’ll go to Sudan.”

I was so afraid, it took me nearly 9 months of pleading with God to “let this cup pass” before I finally submitted to His call for me to go. My life, my husband’s life, the life of Make Way Partners –along with many of you who sacrificially give to support this work—has never been the same.

That first trip into Darfur, I met a little girl, Teresa, whose life—and senseless death—taught many of us that the choices we make in our daily lives really do make a difference, can save lives, and do have the power to usher in our Father’s Kingdom, one child’s life at a time.

It was Teresa’s story that motivated me to spend months in the desert of Darfur working with our first indigenous leader Lual Atak to protect hundreds of orphans from the slave raiders.

But when hyenas killed nearly 280 of our orphans in just 10 months, we caught a tiny glimpse of God’s broken heart and knew we had to do more. So we launched the most insane campaign of Hope ever imagined—we built the first orphanage in Darfur, Sudan—nearly 2,000 miles of pave-less bush away from our nearest supply chain in Nairobi, Kenya.

These years have been a transformational haven for nearly 600 orphans who—through your love and support—have been consistently loved, fed, sheltered, and educated in the name of Christ.

Through the years, God has brought us other faithful indigenous partners, like Romano Nero. Under Romano’s direction, last year we opened a new orphanage in Southern Sudan, near the border of Uganda.

Here nearly 60 more orphans receive the same love and protection as we offer in Darfur. When I visited in April, it was astounding even to me to see the results of Romano’s labor. Orphans who he’d literally pulled from their mother’s decaying bodies—and who were so malnourished they couldn’t even hold down solid food—were singing, playing, and learning their alphabet!

After eight years of love, toil, danger, and sacrifice, the enemy roars louder today than ever before. As the GOS, or invading Islamic regime of Northern Sudan, rears its ugly head against the July 9^th day of official Southern Sudan independence, they are attacking on every front.

The GOS has sworn that if Southern Sudan pursues independence, their retribution will be harsher than any of their past wars. The reality of their threat is already coming home.

The village where this brutal slaughter took place has no military significance whatsoever. The motivation is none other than terror and genocide, enacted through bombing, rape, and slavery.

The Sudan Tribune reports, "While there are UN troops in the Nuba Mountains they have largely served no purpose. If truth be told, they are actually exacerbating the situation. First, they do little more than largely observe the violence and certainly nothing to attempt to halt it. Second, two sources inside the Nuba Mountains, both of whom must remain unnamed, reported that Egyptian soldiers with the UN were seen raping local women in Kadugli as the latter sought sanctuary from the surrounding violence.

I’ve spent the entire morning in secluded prayer crying out to God for His direction in our response to such evil. “What would you have Your Hands and Feet to do oh Lord?”

First of all, I know that He would not have His Body ignorant. So, as painful as it is, please help us to spread the news of this holocaust that is happening on our watch.

A few years ago, we took our children to visit the Nazi concentration camp of Dachau. They couldn’t believe the stories they read about the Germans claiming to not be aware of the holocaust happening under their noses.

Since then, the world has spent the last six generations pointing our fingers at the Germans. Yet, here we sit not wanting to know what is happening today—in our generation—for the same reason, it is painful to know—and it calls for our response.

I am asking you to speak out, share this story, and inundate your congressman with your demands for US pressure on both the GOS and China, who funds much of this genocide in exchange for oil.

Christ calls us to participate in His suffering, and nothing grieves Him more than oppression upon widows and orphans. This is our opportunity to share in the work of the cross as it hammers against the vilest assault known to mankind, gross profit made at the expense of the defenseless.

Matt McGowen, our Field Coordinator, and I are preparing to return to Sudan in late August with a small American team. You can take part in this journey by helping us raise $150,000 in relief supplies—including food, medicine, tarps, tents, and diesel for the safe transport of people and supplies.

While this effort represents only a small portion of what is needed over the long haul, it will mean the literal difference between life and death today for widows and orphans hiding out in the bush.

A gift as small as $50 will provide a tarp (for shelter) and a month’s supply of food for one widow and her children.

Through these last 8 years, we’ve seen over and over again the difference our presence makes, like with Immanuel. When local police first found this sickly boy, he told them his name was Tong-Tong, which is a local word for LRA, the militia who’d murdered his mother. Locals began calling him Tong-Tong after the LRA left him orphaned.

The police said he was so thin, they didn’t know how he stood upon his stick-like legs. The police took him in, but he couldn’t hold down their food, and they were not able to properly care for him.

When Romano came through, they introduced him to Tong-Tong. Romano brought him into the family of Hope for Sudan, and gave him a new name—Immanuel.

When I visited Hope for Sudan in April, I could barely believe this healthy, happy, affectionate child was the same malnourished boy I’d met through pictures just a few months earlier. The presence of God shot through the gaps of his toothy smile like rays of sunlight breaking through crystal.

Recently, Romano took Immanuel to visit his home village. An older sister saw him and called out, “Tong-Tong!”

Immanuel stopped her, “That’s not my name anymore. I am Immanuel.”

Everyone of you who has shared in this wild journey of God to fight for the Fatherless has been drug through the darkness with each of these children, and you’ve shared in indescribable joy as God redeems their brokenness, as He did with Immanuel.

As we once again step out in the same insane hope that fueled us nearly 8 years ago, we languish, we fear, we doubt in our distress, and we cry out in our suffering—“How long, Oh Lord?”, but we do not give up. He has delivered us, and He will deliver us.

Love, your broken sister along the journey,
k

_____________________

Where do I even start after all that? Irritates me that Satan thinks he's winning over there. Ok, so maybe a little more than irritated.

So deets in getting a brand spanking new copy of the only book in my entire life that I have read three times through... be a follower of this blog first and leave a comment. THEN please like Kimberly L Smith (Author) on facebook if your in that world.. and then pray. pray. pray. God ultimately wins, but that doesn't mean we just get to sit around and wait.. DO something. The winner will be a random choice, of course.

Love you all.. and please if you don't win.. get the book. Passport Through Darkness here. You will be blessed, promise.

busy busy busy!

2011-07-04T09:36:00.001-05:00

kinda excited.

kinda nervous.

not totally prepared, but i'm getting there!

only SIX more days... yikes!

3 years ago today.

2011-07-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

Hedged in you walk. Carefully moving. Step by step. You know the path leads to somewhere, and that someday you'll get there, but for today. you just walk. Walk. Walk. You smell the freshness around you. Green. Growth. Life. Thankfulness fills your heart for the hard decisions of others that forced you onto this path in the first place. It's not easy to throw someone into an uncharted course.

I had to actually look up the day to be sure it was today and I love that.

I sat on the couch in the zone. A place where I had come to know that I was safe. Determining inside my heart that I was going to attempt the long walk through the welcome center and into the worship center and actually sit through a whole service, but before I did I called out to the God who knows and my Bible falls open to Haggai and my eyes fall on Chapter 2 verse 9.

"The latter glory of this house shall be greater that the former, says the Lord of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of hosts."

He listens.

He cares.

He leads.

He waits.

He moves.

He loves.

He gives.

He takes.

He knows.

He is peace.

and I'll not stop praising Him. Ever.

creating a left brain.

2011-06-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

Fortunately they love to create as much as their auntie. It's like story time at the library and happyday at a daycare all wrapped up into one. Since the girls are here all day we have the chance to create some stuff that needs to dry, but then finish the project in the same day. That is the real whipped cream! No glitter in the car, red paint on the floor.. pictures laying in the sun..heck there isn't even a time frame I need to worry about! Taking home finished works of art is so much more fun than "the hurry up.. it's the process, not the product" fun that I often get to do with littles.

I sit, almost every morning after my run. Painstakingly trying to develop the left half of my brain. A book lay open on my lap.. and I read the Word through the looking glass of redemption. It takes all that is in me not to skim, get the just, and move onto something a bit more right brainy. Where lines aren't straight, and colors mingle dangerously close to each other, a place where I love to live.

I'm comfortable in my right brain clothes. I bend. I mend. I process through the wavy and the muddle mess of life with my gift of creating.. and I accept that the Creator made me like that. I think mostly because He's like that. He creates. that's what He does best... right?

There is a whole realm of beings that control and rule this world that I want nothing to do with. They don't create. They destroy. They take what was once good and perfect and make it horrible and ugly. The ring leader is Satan himself, and he wants you to believe that you have no hope. No chance. No life. No beautiful... and he wins often in the heart and minds of those who don't acknowledge him. Simply knowing Satan's 100% for you to be as far away from God as possible, is as important as using butter instead of margarine in baking homemade cookies.

While I read and study the bible in light of our redemption.. I can't help think that God created structure to save me from the ugliness of life. A completely right brained idea to send a Savior in a manger for all people to be saved.. that's hedged inside a great big left brained structure that's laced with rules and structure to the core for our benefit.

Developing the non-dominate side of your brain is completely scary, yet opens your world up to so many more possibilities of the depths of love that God has for us. A love that really knows no bounds. A love that conquers all. A love that's as fragrant as the flowers... and just beautiful. A love that is structured and meant to be legally for you. God intended us to live with both sides of our brains alive and fully active.

In learning to use the other side of your brain it is defiantly about the process, not the product but without the hurry up. Kinda like art at aunties.

wondering induced by paint fumes.

2011-06-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

I wonder if all the marriage books ever written are wrong. I have read a bazillion of them, they all say what to do and what not to do. There's everything from knowing your love language to how you are like food. Generalizing? Totally. Sorry? Nope.

What if you only have one marriage book, and the title doesn't even have the name of a planet in it? The only book your ever allowed to read is inspired by the One who created marriage in the first place. Wouldn't you do everything you could to get you hands on that book? The book with all the inspiration you need to be a great spouse? This book that will snap you into a reality that you never even knew existed. A whole new playing field in the life of your marriage. The book of course is the Bible.

However, it's a big book, so let's pretend you can only read Revelation. Yah, the confusing one at the end of the book, in my opinion, marriage is sometimes confusing.. so reading Revelation with your "marriage" glasses on isn't a far stretch.

Let's start with the groom. He officially comes riding a white horse and bears a name on His thigh.. "King of kings, and Lord of Lords." He's dressed in full war regalia and he's got one thing on His mind... Claiming what is His, and that's us.

Us. All of us who are called. From every corner of the world, in every language and in every color. His bride is the Church.

I have friends who I look at and wonder, "those two are so opposite, I don't know how they ever were attracted to each other." In fact, there is truth I'm sure to the whole " you marry your opposite." or even "opposite attract." statements. Eve was created when God felt the need that Adam needed a helper... right?

I wanna be be be like Jesus.. know that song? Isn't the whole culture goal of Church nowadays to be like Jesus in every way? Living Inside out? Dying to self, allowing Christ to live in you.. it's all the same. An effort to live life thats not of this world. I confess, its a daily struggle, to be like Christ.

If the goal is for the Church to be like Christ, spotless and blameless, so the wedding can happen... Wouldn't the goal of an earthly marriage be defined as becoming more like each other through Christ? To celebrate what makes us the same? Individuality may have no place in a marriage. Just as it has no place at the wedding of the ages between the King of kings and His bride, the Church. It's the lives of many being one together, despite the outside differences.

Perhaps I ask too many questions and then get lost in the details of fleshing the answer out. Perhaps the paint fumes of creating lovelies have gotten to my brain cells.

Or perhaps.. I'm just now after 16 years of marriage learning to be married, for the right reasons.

turning blue for you to know.

2011-06-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

He's 9 years old and he has never wanted to learn how to ride a bike.

Two years ago, the Lead Singer and I bought him a bike for Christmas, hoping that it would peak his interest in riding on his own. It didn't. That shouldn't have surprised us. He didn't even want to ride a trike at age 3. So, in an effort to boost his skills a bit.... we took him for a bike ride.

I'd like to report to you that he loved every minute of it. He didn't. At one point, the Lead Singer was offering him 10 bucks... to be put into a safe place only to be used for a trip to the Bahamas each time we went on a ride together and he didn't whine.

He simply said.. he'd be 80 years old before he had enough money.

As a mom, I want to tell him that biking riding is fun, and something you will never ever regret knowing and learning how to do. He just doesn't see it. He itches, He sweats, He has to work. It just doesn't come naturally to him. He gives up a ton, and walks.

I can't make him learn. I can encourage till I'm blue in the face, and I did, but really its a decision to risk changing that every person simply must make on their own. Ultimately it's up to him to take the time to learn a new skill. Learning is most defiantly not the funnest part. In fact, many many many times it's the stinkiest part of the whole process.

But if you persevere. You can and will wake up one day and the thing you struggled to do over and over again, will be like breathing and then you will, of course, turn blue for the person next to you.. so they can live...truly free.

"and let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

smiley things.

2011-06-08T17:49:00.002-05:00

Every once in a while you have to just go out on a limb and carefully explain some things.. so here is my attempt to help you realize what made me smile in the Bahamas... enjoy!

#1- the Lead Singer

Hands down the best man ever for me. I decided after getting in a knock down drag out fight the day we got back from the Bahamas that we are the best lovers and fighters I know. No one on the face of the planet could ever treat me as well as you do.. and no one on this planet could make me seethe like you do.... I just love you.

#2 I love love love to dance, but it always seems like I have to drag the always chatty Lead Singer away from a convo to dance with me, which he always does thankfully..

However, this lovely couple was first on the dance floor.... and yes I followed.

It was almost as much as dancing in the kitchen of my new local friends... almost.

#3- Goombay Smash's and squirrel food.

(Did you know that there are no squirrels in Nassau? shame..)

#4- This man pictured in the most gorgeous shirt ever was from Indiana I think. He's a sales rep winner like the Lead singer only he has 10 kiddos at home. I have a great friend I haven't seen in 20 years and this man is his long lost brother.. I'm pretty sure. He's super fun.. so was his sweet wife.

#5- I love and adore the company that sponsored our trip that the Lead Singer won. I sat next to the head of the company one night for dinner. She's normal and I like that. I however didn't like the matching shirts... but when it's free.. you smile and try to enjoy. right?

#6- Wine from a bag hand delivered to me. For me and only for me. and I didn't even spill.. I think.

#7- Conversations about all the great things that can happen when your people watching. Makes me want to grab some milk and cookies and sit for a spell.

#8 and #9- This woman is the whole reason we even got to go on the trip.

She's the one who filled all the paperwork, and when she tells the story about how she only wanted to hear the Lead Singer's name when they announced the winners.. she tears up every time. I will be forever thankful to her and her gumption that allowed us to be blessed.

and you see that camera she's holding???

that's a D7000... I've been drooling over it for a while now and I had wanted to shoot one prior to actually getting one (as if that will every happen... haha)

She let me play with it for a spell.. and it was good. So very good.

#10- not dying on a water slide... and having enough guts to go down this one.

(ok that makes me smile today...)

filling the family album.

2011-06-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't have to use the line

"What happens in the Bahamas stays in the Bahamas"

To bring glory to a God that saved me and created all

even while on a free trip was my own challenge I laid out before God.

I suppose that's what had me wondering aloud while tubing down

a river what it must be like to be lost at sea.

All four of them actually live in the Bahamas.

yeah.. like 24/7 all the time.

Lucky ducks.

I met the boys briefly tubing down the river,

as I wondered aloud what it must be like to be lost at sea.

Then they tried to convince me

that I really needed to go up the scary belt thingy

and plunge to my death in the Power of Tower.

um... nope. I bailed.... and thought them weird.

Then it's as if God said...

this friendship needs to happen.

We meet again in the lobby while sitting on hideous furniture that very night.

Seeing each other, we both think.

Could that be them? Could I be that same lady floating down the river?

They call us over.. I bail to the bathroom... the Lead Singer stays and chats...the giggling starts.

It never dawned on me that they might kill us as they gave us a tour of the island.

I laughed the whole stinking way as I learned that

Radios are made different in foreign Fords (or maybe not?)

Walmarts are called Kelly's

Front doors really need to be shut

She's gunna blow!!.. really doesn't mean your gunna die.

I giggled myself to sleep.

The next day we were instructed to be at the

"pool where everybody bees"

Yes, I know that the above pic is not it, but we didn't really know where "everyone bees.."

but God in His goodness.. led us right to them amongst the sea of people.

and we giggled the whole day while getting wingie in the pool and the river.

That night we continued the fun.

They take the Lead Singer and I to a place downtown to eat. A local place... yummizilla.

It's here at a restaurant called Twin Brothers we pray.

It's here at the restaurant called Twin Brothers we all know we worship the same God.

and I personally know

that God's plan for me while on this vacation

was to enjoy His gift of His people.

Tears flowed freely when my new brother played and

sang worship songs Bahamian style late into the night in his very own attic.

Same tunes... different words.... same God being praised.

God's gifts just kept coming and coming, and I at that moment felt

very unworthy to even be a part of His gifts. His good and perfect gifts.

The gift of a free trip to meet people who will forever be in my family album.

I missed them the moment they dropped us off, but I'm certain that maybe someday God would have us meet again.. somewhere... even if it's on the pearly streets of Heaven.

I can't wait. It will be better than the Dairy Queen drive thru...

a taste of the bahamas.

2011-06-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

So much to tell you.. but for now I'm just gunna let ya wonder about a few things because the sun and sand are calling my name and who wants to blog when there is much more vacation to be had!

Shut the front door!

I may never come home... luv ya all!

while i sing.

2011-05-26T11:06:00.000-05:00

I finished the book last night at 1:28am. A book that I am certain God wanted me to read because He reminded me through seemingly unconnected circumstances again and again. I couldn't put it down. Words written straight from a frontline warrior for orphans and widows in Darfur, who dares to continuously give up everything to live dangerously for Jesus. Her pen scribbled my thoughts again and again. Tears sprinkled the pages and I wept for my casual approach to being a witness for Him who created me to be His witness in all things despite my wishes and desires.

He beckons me to boldly tell of His love, His power, His might. He calls me to forget what is past and strive toward the plan and purpose He dreamt for me on the day He knitted me. A no holds bar way of thinking and living for Him. Why do I often smash my chubby cheeks to the window and just wish that I could do something great for the glory of God?

A ton of weight is lifted from my soul when I realize a bird sings simply because it can.

A bird bears witness to it's Creator simply by do what birds do.

Build their house, and sing while doing it.

All His Royalty bends low to refresh me.

A simple mom, who needed to know on this day...that God wants me to do what I am created to do.

Be a true witness to His power, His glory, His never ending love.

To tell of His story through creating all things beautiful in my home... while singing.

loved freely to love freely.

2011-05-19T14:09:00.000-05:00

I think God sits back sometimes and just watches the earth dance for His glory.

Do the angels get to see His excitement springing forth? Do they get all giddy and smile even more seeing the Father delight in the visual display of love? I bet they have a party. A big one, and wear their very best. I think that best would be called Love.

Clothed in love, that is the fragrance of Him displayed, the angels dance around and sing praises in a chorus that is alive. I bet the party last a long time. A very long time. Is there an end to the love season? The honest answers I seek burst forth from the Word.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. " Romans 8:38.

Nothing. Not even the seasons can separate us from the display of love. He gives love and receives love. Freely. I clothe myself in this thought and head out the door into the fragrance of love.

I bet He loves watching.

considering your cornerstone.

2011-05-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

Cornerstones have been around for centuries. It's the ceremonious first stone that is laid straight and firm, so that the rest of the structure is not built wonky and the building comes tumbling down in the first storm. In the more recent years this cornerstone has morphed into something not quite as important to the foundation. It has become, especially in churches, a place to stash memories for future generations.

Every few years my father would grab a crow bar and open the time capsule that was located above the foundation in the church I attended from baptism through marriage. Officially it was called the cornerstone, but when you are a young girl.. all you cared about was what was the treasures in it. As my father would open it the papers and pictures inside would come to the light. The ladies would then fix up some fancy display as no doubt people would be coming to celebrate the legacy of faith this building had had a part in. This particular cornerstone told the story of the people in the church, and how God had bonded them together through one thing.. a building. Several years ago this church closed and the cornerstone was emptied and packed away. This particular building's cornerstone stands empty.

In building, many hours are set aside for focused attention on the foundation. So how come when it comes to our lives we often first focus on the structure itself, instead of the foundation? Isn't the point of building firm, secure, usable structures dependent on the foundation?

Pride. The thing God hates. The thing inside all of us that can alienate us from all that God desires. The pride that says.. I don't trust you enough God to do this so I will do it myself. Pride that says, I'm scared of living another way, so I'll sit here in this chaos instead. Pride that says, if anyone knew this about me, they wouldn't like me. Pride that builds life structures on appearances that the world can look at and say "Wow.. look what you did." Pride that says, look what God did on the outside, but on the inside screams "Wow, i'm amazing." Subtle pride that infiltrates your thoughts is still pride. If pride is in your cornerstone.. your cornerstone is empty and your life structure may topple at any time.

I am not ashamed of the Gospel. It lives and breathes life into the empty day after day. It rebuilds foundations and concretes the hope you can't see or feel into the very foundation of your life, but often times, it takes a monumental effort on our part to tear down and then rely on God to replace the cornerstone where it belongs. Deep into the foundation. The Cornerstone that isn't for pridefully filling with mementos for people to ohh and ahhh over, but for the only Cornerstone that can stand through anything. Jesus.

“Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone,a cornerstone chosen and precious,and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”

1 Peter 2:6

I Thirst.

2011-04-27T11:54:00.000-05:00

Obedience is His love language.

Is that why I get so bent out of shape when the Holy Spirit gently lets me know the way,

and I say in my inner most parts, that it's too scary.

I'm not going there. Nope. Not doing it. It's way to hard.

What then?

I've been stuck in Romans the past couple of nights. Silent whispers on my heart that say. "Read slow." "Immerse your soul in My words." So I do, if only because I know that obedience is His love language. It's out of duty. It's abnormal. I understand very little and it gets so confusing. I have become completely more comfortable in the Old Testament and it's stories of people, who hear God through the prophets but seldom hear His direct voice.

My journey leads me towards His words, and I must step. The words my Jesus said while He walked and talked on the soil He created. Word made flesh. Flesh that had to die, so that I could really live. Do you see how big of deal this is? There is nothing I could say or write, in my own created flesh, that could ever match the wonder of the words that spoke life and healing. And I fear.

I fear the same things I have always feared. When did I unknowingly resurrect this fear? I laid it down there, at the cross. It died a death witnessed. Am I a slave forever?

How can I fear what He has laid so clearly out for my steps? Is He not the same God in the New Testament as in the Old? When did I become a wandering Israelite again clamoring for more of the God of the past than the God of the future? Can I love God enough to obey Him even in the hard?

He hung on the cross, that dreadful day so long ago. Apart from the Creator for the first time. Separated. Obedient. Face to face with sin itself, and in the last hours a cry from His very soul "I thirst."

The Word, wanted more of the Word in his soul.. he was thirsty.

I become like a child, at the foot of the cross watching his daddy contemplate the enormity of the simple.

Jesus thirsted so I wouldn't have too. Obediently I open my New Testament and begin drinking.

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,

by whom we cry, "Abba Father!"

Romans 8:15

Flesh Living.

2011-04-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

I did much better at keeping a straight face when he said what he said than my mother did.

He was hollering at the waitress for some reason for the umpteenth time this particular meal, and I gently warned him that he would be sitting in the van if he chose to continue to do that. He looks up at me with those big brown eyes, and says, "I am deeply sorry."

"Those who are in the flesh cannot please God."

Romans 8:8

Yes, it was totally a flesh moment. Me, his mom, playing the part of God. This particular world changer was crafty in his words.. but his heart just hadn't caught up yet. Therefore, it was impossible to please me.

Abba Father,

Thank you for the gift of children who remind us all how we are to approach your Throne.... filled with deep sorrow for our sin, and when we chose to come daily to You with our flesh you drench it in your blood, totally covering it so it becomes something You can use for your glory. Thank you Father for this gentle reminder that the eternal consequences of not running to you daily with our deep sorrow overshadow the current temporary consequences that all sin brings. Thank you Father for your grace and mercy concerning this battle of the flesh. For Your glory alone I chose to die daily. I love you. Amen.

____________________________________

autographed takeout box anyone?

by Trace:

do you know about me.

my name is trace

I am 83

and i lived to be 900

do not read this.

the most effective way to win a battle.

2011-04-14T11:19:00.000-05:00

Can I introduce you to my new found friend? He's a king, and he's dead, but I think you'll learn to love his story like I am. His name is Jehoshaphat. And just so you know, his first name isn't Jumping. He became a king at the ripe old age of 35, and reigned for 25 years over Judah. In all respects he was considered a good king because he believed and followed God.

As a king way back in the day, you knew when surrounding countries were out to wage war against you. I don't know how exactly, but if you have ever watched Lord of the Rings, you kinda get some idea that it takes a long time to move into an actual battle with all your army stuff. Jehoshaphat was made aware that his country was under attack, and being the strong young buck that he was... Jehoshaphat

"was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord,

and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah."

2 Chronicles 20:3

We are talking about real humans here. This REALLY happened. Jehoshaphat's country was about to be obliterated by neighboring armies...and he was afraid. I love that this man of God was afraid, and that we get to know! How many men of leadership and power admit to being afraid of a situation that surrounds them and that feeling of being afraid moves them into action towards God? Amazes me actually.

There is so much more to this true story in the Bible and I hope you take time to read it for yourself, it's that good, but I hate to leave you with a knee knocking king in front of his country, so let's hit the fast forward button cuz your not going to believe the battle plan that God gave him.

"And when he had taken counsel with the people,

he appointed those who were to sing to the Lord

and praise Him in holy attire, as they went before the army and say,

Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever." 2 Chronicles 20:21

SERIOUSLY???? Can God HAMMER anymore into my very being the importance of PRAISE??? DID YOU READ THAT???? The pretty singers all dressed in their finest went BEFORE The army!! HA! That's insane!! These are REAL people. with REAL families, ALL about to do battle against THREE countries with REAL WEAPONS!!!

I'm in awe of God and how powerful praise can actually be, because in the very next line of the story we read this.

"and when they began to sing and praise, the Lord set an ambush..."

um... yah. THE LORD SET AN AMBUSH!!! HA!! And after the singing stopped, there were dead bodies laying everywhere and the people of Judah got to spend the next three days gathering all the good stuff laying there on the ground! Rewards!!

All I can say is wow. wow.

If praise is on your lips, you have no room for anything else, and GOD fights your battles. OHHH that I would NEVER forget to praise!!!

i love drugs, but not as much as Jesus.

2011-04-13T09:35:00.000-05:00

I was born with bad teeth. Cavities straight from the womb I'm sure. I scrubbed and brushed just like my mom always made me do. I even had to take fluoride pills smashed up and melted in my beloved grape juice every morning. Sadly however, it just never did the trick and I was very familiar with the numbing needle that the dentist is trained to hide from you.

As I positioned myself in the laid back but never comfortable dentist chair yesterday, the Doc took one look at my X-ray and decided that "that tooth needs to come out." The lovely assistant quickly prepped me and the room for extraction. Mouth full of a goop for an impression, paper bib, needle full of the ultimate numb out, life was a blur.

My first clue as to what was about to happen started when the beloved needle bent while in my mouth. Does that even happen? The Doctor said, "that's a first."

Numb now, He starts the procedure, and wouldn't you know it..

ok so here's where I need to tell you about a book I'm reading with a few ladies. Long story very short the one line that the whole book is based on is.. " Eucharisteo proceeds the miracle." Which means.. well, again very short that thanks proceeds the miracle... easy right? Well, at our last book club meeting I was lamenting that this whole concept was eluding my everyday life. Wow, did i even say that out loud?

I needed a miracle as the doctor all but had his knee on my chest willing my tooth to come out with a plier in hand. Grabbing my jaw, he even swore a bit. Top it off there was this lady in the next door exam room that was talk talk talk talk talking about nothing nothing nothing. Head in full tilt, mouth open, hands ready to punch the doctor, and tears on the cusp of falling. I remember that Eucharisteo proceeds the miracle, and I centered my thoughts on what the heck I was thankful for at the moment.

The booger free dentist that I hadn't punched yet.
Steady hands who knew what they were doing.
The air I was breathing
I wasn't wearing a skirt.. so I could contort my legs in positions that at least seemed to help?
A place where that lady could feel free to talk talk talk talk talk.

yah, really small stuff. But i'm telling you there REALLY wasn't much to be thankful for in that moment.

But God showed up, my whole body calmed and the blasted tooth finally came out. Shoved full of gauze and prescription in hand to kill the pain of the next few days I head home. This morning, I'm super thankful for the drugs, but not as thankful as I am for how Jesus came and preformed a miracle in my soul while at the dentist.

Much Grace Required

2011-04-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

Grabbing my sunglasses off the counter I immediately hear it. It wasn't an audible whisper like I have heard before. It was in fact, just a nudge in the pattern of my normal thoughts around this time of the morning. Normal being along the lines of, "Go let the chickens out, got your shoes? homework? do you need that? you might need a sweatshirt, hurry up your going to miss breakfast, wash your hair, you need to wake up earlier..." Frustrated, filled to the brim with expectations that clammer to get out of my mouth. quickly and harshly. I become another person as my only goal is to get the World Changers to school on time, because then I can get home and spend some time alone.

The past 10 months, I have gathered with strangers turned family to learn more about the God who called us to be His. It's here that I learn to give grace in practical ways. We are all fallen humans. We all sin. We all have stuff. We are all in need of grace, and I give it to this family week after week.

I am also forced to learn to give my self grace as well, over and over. It's being wrong that scares me into not acting, talking, fear of saying the wrong answer. Learning to give myself grace takes ten times more effort and practice, but in the family of believers grace is shown and given, and I learn over and over again to "give yourself grace sister."

A nudge in my thoughts. Give Grace.

I'm dumbfounded. When did I think that my home, the people that I live close to every single day didn't need grace? They have stuff, they have needs, they should be shown grace, especially from their mom. Tears wash the log out of my eye and I see. I see the mess my sin has created in my own home.

I am lead to the book of Luke where Jesus is speaking "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher." Grace has pealed back the blinders on my soul, and I know. I know that the journey to give grace to those who live in my home has begun. A focused effort to allow people to fail and learn and grow to be like their Teacher, without any side comments from a well meaning drill sergeant called mom who requires much grace herself.

Giving Up.

2011-03-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

Time and time again you ask God for an answer. He waits.

Worry.

Unrest.

Contemplation.

Questions.

Anticipation.

"What-if's" that create more and more thoughts that lead you in a circle of confusion.

He waits for you to give up, stop, and rest.

There isn't anything you have to do, except give.

Give to Him what you carry.

1:22am.

I awake and I immediately think of Genesis. I snap on the light, and I grab my pen. It's 1:22am, did you catch that? I open my Bible to what I think is chapter 1:22.. and my eyes fall on these words.

"God is with you in all that you do." Genesis 21:22

And God hushes my questions, confusion and worry.. and reassures me that He's there. He's got this. He's in control, He's with me. I can have the confidence in all situations that He gives. There isn't a choice, decision, or action that He isn't in. How fun and incredibly amaxing is it to know that the Creator of ALL things is with me.

And that the same God is with you. Have you given up today?

Approved by God.

2011-03-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

Friends come to visit and I make excuses for the ugly thing.

"It's comfortable, try it."

People around me are afraid to tell me about how dreadful it is.

My really good friends even come over and enjoy it, and they try to convince me to get rid of it.

I tell them, "I like it." enough times and they leave the matter alone.

Those who live in the same house have gotten used to it being around,

even though they never really liked it.. it has become "family."

Then one day, I haul it out to the front yard and I set it on fire.

A passerby asks if they need to call 911.

I tell her heck no.. as I take pictures of my couch melting under the fire.

I burn couches I dislike on a whim, and I'm ok with the world knowing.

(and God approves of this message, because He approves of me!)

can you tattoo joy?

2011-03-12T12:55:00.001-06:00

When I was in 6th or maybe 7th grade there was this hot actor named River Phoenix. The gals I hung out with, well, we loved loved loved this "man." Watching Stand By Me was a weekly occurrence. He made our hearts pitter patter even when we didn't know what that meant. He was my ideal man and he quickly became my idol. Then, I graduated, and he died.

In college, I'd have to say my idol was the Little Mermaid. I kinda wish I had a picture to show you of the wonderful things my friends gifted me with to display. I was decked out in all things mermaidish. I even got a tattoo of that crustacean. I loved loved loved her voice, the story, the colors pretty much everything about it. It was my ideal movie and it quickly became my idol. Then, I quit college and got married.

Deeper idols started to appear when I joined as one with the Lead Singer, a clean home, meals at 8, 12, and 6. Patterns I no doubt fell into based on my own upbringing. Being a great wife and homemaker became my idol. Then, well, I had the world changers.

Idols when your a mom are ever changing.. some days it's sleep, date nights, alone time in the bathroom, the lady at church who has well behaved children, all 17 of them, being totally done with the laundry, feeding your family healthy organic meals, being all things to all people at all the same time, the latest TV show, girl time, going shopping without any kids. Whew, it makes me tired just thinking about all the things there are to elevate to an idol level when your a mom. But mostly, when my world changers were small I didn't even think about idols. I was focused on surviving the day.

Timothy Keller, a pastor and author, defined an idol as "making a good thing an ultimate thing." A good movie, a thought, a practice, a person, an emotion.. anything that becomes an ultimate thing is an idol. And if you have an idol, your willing to do anything for it. Heck, you'd even tattoo it on your.. well, never mind.

In the very last verse of 1 John, it says, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols." and I want to shush him for even writing that. How could he write that, and mean it? Was he not human? Was he not alive? Did he not have a life? Its irritating to me when people seem like they have super powers to overcome things of the flesh like idols. "Keep yourselves from idols" how is that possible when my whole life I've been a frequent patron at the library of idols?

My world changers love their electronic devices and they love them all the time. Yes, I'd call it an idol. but they, well, they call it fun and entertainment. As their parent, I don't enjoy ripping it out of their hands, but sometimes I have to,and boy do they scream and holler. I get the sticker for being the "worst mom in the world," but I know the louder they scream, the tighter that idol had a grip on their heart, and I'm OK with them taking a break from it, for their own sake, because I know idols.. they destroy joy.

Wow, John had it right all along. He knew idols destroyed joy. He knew. He knew God. He knew Jesus. He knew the Truth and God wanted us to know that anytime you "make a good thing the ultimate thing" you destroy any chance of lasting joy.

"You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11

Funny how that works... you make God your idol and you get lasting joy. Love that, and I don't even have to tattoo that on my.. oh never mind.

i'm just a squirmy right brainer.

2011-03-02T11:46:00.000-06:00

Nailing down my right brain is impossible sometimes

and although there are a million and one thoughts in there floating around...

I can't seem to capture just one and bring it to fruition.

Frustrating.

Especially when you have so many people that are on this journey with you.

How do you sort through the thoughts, and make them productive?

How do you honor God with your words when you can't even form a coherent sentence?

Left brainers.. please be seated, you just will not understand.

Creativeness flows from the Giver.
Always has and always will.

What if your supply seems to be frozen?

Stuck in some imaginary box that you can't quite reach but you know it's there.
Waiting for you to grasp.

Seasoned right brain users will tell you just to start creating.. something, anything.

and so I crawl ever so gently into the Giver's grasp.

Hoping and praying He will spark something, anything into being.

I feel like a 5th grader, at a concert playing my instrument for the first time.
Aware of all the other band members surrounding me who play really well.

And I force my focus back to Him.

It happens so fast, when you live in your right brain world... loss of focus, feelings of inferiority.
When you put your heart out there for all to see, and you have been told for so long that it's wrong.
Questions again drip.. and you wonder. Does anyone even care?
Does anyone listen? Does my heart help anyone to see that
Life with Christ is down right hard sometimes? Does any one see it's worth it?

You know you must simply crawl back into the Giver's grasp.. and rest.
To be so still and slow your brain down so you can again hear His voice.
Back to square one.
He speaks.

You do this for Him. No One else.
He gives the words, the thoughts, the meanings,
He opens hearts, and eyes.
He consumes you, melts the box that you unknowingly hid yourself.

Thoughts connect, and He's pleased.
That's all that matters.

of course He cares.
He's the Giver.
He holds you in the palm of His hand...all of you.

but it's so easy to squirm out..

2:14am

2011-02-27T15:10:00.000-06:00

Often times in my walk I come reread what God had me write in previous posts. They encourage my soul and I love to hear Him, fresh and new. Most days the original intent of the post is not at all what God has me see when I re read things. I love that about God's word. It's living and active, and I often feel like my words here are for me too.. ok, I feel that a ton.. i'l be honest.

That being said, today's post is straight from my prayer journal back in December. Funny thing is, God spoke again newness into this verse just today while I re read it. Well, in hopes that I someday look back at this moment between God and I and see it differently.. I'm posting it below. Can I remind you that it's 2:14 in the morning.. and well, at that time my theology might be a bit off.. so no comments on the Judah thing.. apparently it meant something at the time.

My other intended purpose as to publishing something so raw is this..

I listened to a national Christian speaker live, she was taping for her radio show. It was raw and very real. She coughed and cleared her throat. She lost her place and had to ask someone who was following along in their notes where she was. Point being.. here I thought she was a magnificent speaker, but truth is she's not. I don't mean that in a bad way. Her teaching is straight out of the Word, but God in his mercy and grace surrounded her with people who know how to edit. Listening to her in the raw spoke to me. It brought her down from a pedestal that I had unknowingly put her on. People are real. They make mistakes, no big deal. The Word is still preached, and God promises that it will not come back void.
______________________

____________________________________

I can't sleep, my mind is racing- floating from one thought to the next- so I thought I'd come here and focus on You- the Great Thought Giver.

Father, I praise you today for Life, You created me. You know me intimately, You alone know of who I was and who I am becoming. The path that I have taken to get here- in this place- haven't all been easy, but You knew them all! How can I ever repay what you do for me?

I ask in these quiet moments that you sanctify me in Truth, for You Word is Truth!

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is as everlasting rock!" Isaiah 26

it's talking about peace, and how God gives it, if we seek it. This particular chapter makes me think of my life actually, kinda strange, but am I not Judah? a land who was captured and over taken by satan- only to be freed by God later with much more knowledge and grace and holiness?

You have done for us all our works.

I am nothing, consume me, In your name I pray, Amen I love you!!

the blessing concert.

2011-02-25T11:19:00.000-06:00

It begins softly. A lullaby that caresses your soul.

Preparing you for something. The something that you just don't know, but you feel.

You start the movement, with a wave of your hand.

A breathing on of the Holy Sprit is what you pray for.

Fan the flame.

Ask, Seek, Knock.

Gently giving thoughts and feelings to the One who can control.

You embrace the music, hope to get 100 ahead, and He whispers to your soul.

"I got this.. sleep."

You wake.

Coffee brings the senses to life and you stare at the screen.

What do you say when your faced with the reality that what your looking at is

straight from the hand of God?

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!

Serve the Lord with gladness!

Come into His presence with singing!

Psalms 100:1-2

Friends become brothers.

Friends become sisters.

Strangers pick up the cause.

and overnight, while you slept.

God worked a miracle.

As the music plays, blessings compound and create tears that flow freely.

A minor key starts.

Forcing your gaze away from the Conductor.

Do you dare believe that God would give such a gift to your son?

Did you read the post right? Is it really a full scholarship to a music camp?

Is it crazy to have just spent your day off asking people to join your cause?

You are crazy.. you don't deserve this.

Doubts flood your mind.. is this the Way in which your supposed to be walking?

You just made a fool of yourself.

and God grabs your face and begins to sing louder and louder to your soul again and again.

"Rest... i got this."

And the all fuss and doubts wash away in the rhythm of His hand.

The radio station calls.

"Your son is a winner."

and He says...

"Enjoy...I love you."

____________________________________

Tears are flowing from my eyes as I try to put into meager words the events of the past two days. It was just a scholarship give away on a radio station, but it became so much more. A campaign between friends, family and strangers. I'm simply amazed at how God works.. sometimes.. you just don't have the appropriate words, at all.. and thats really frustrating to a gal like me. If you had any part in this movement a thank you just isn't enough, but it's all I got.

It truly is Another Happy Day.

broken.

2011-02-23T10:45:00.000-06:00

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

Isn't that what we all hate to be? It's what we fear the most. To lose all sense of direction and concreteness about anything. When the questions mount up thick and drip into each other making clarity obsolete. When going through the motions is like murder on your soul and body. People around you stay silent because they don't really know what to say... so they speak no words, making you believe in your broken state that maybe your crazy.. and if you really believed God you'd be ok, because He loves you and knows the plans for you, not to harm or hurt you. You pour scripture into your soul.. hoping beyond reason that maybe something will stick and you will be "better" or maybe get enough courage to at least take a shower.

You are broken.

You yell and question God at these times, "If you really really loved me.. " Feeling dictates your motions and motions dictate your feelings.. it's a never ending cycle of pain, and you just want off. You just want this to be happening to anyone but you.. so you can play the silent one, the one that is oblivious to the pain that you carry.

And you know deep down that there is joy somewhere, but you can't see it, feel it, even if it came knocking on your door dressed in a maid's outfit ready to scrub toilets you wouldn't see it.

Joy is illusive. It's so far from the concept of living that you can't even grasp that thought, so you keep walking, feeling, living.. sorda.

There is another side to being broken. The one I can see now. 2 years ago, if you would have told me this I would have told you to "go to hell, and take your cat with you."

The opposite of broken.. is not fixed.

It's learning.

Learning to lean on Him, learning that people really do care about you, Learning that everything about anything can be found in the Word. Learning to shower again while crying, Learning that you really are loved so much by a God who created you. Learning that He wants to be your joy. Learning to feel, and move on. Learning to say goodbye to old hurts and hangups. Learning to see Him through different colored glasses. Learning to open your mouth when He wants to feed you. Learning the difference between mercy and grace, joy and pain, obedience and trust.

Learning that although you are broken.. you have roots that are anchored into a God so big that he'd never let you go. He can't.. He lives inside you.

It may be the hardest thing you'll ever do. Learning to focus on the learning instead of concentrating on the broken, and you might think I'm losing it, but really.. the bigger picture is that your not totally broken.. your just learning the deep deep things of God, and from someone who has walked through a season of brokeness.. hang on, learn to lean and walk on. I'm thinking God has for you bigger things that what you can even conceive.

maturing approval.

2011-02-22T12:00:00.000-06:00

He ran up to me to show me his fingers.

Normally he wants nothing to do with my antics to get him involved, but today it's different.

Joy spreads across his face and he yells at his mom,

who is walking the baby in a stroller around the track while we play.

"Mom, look at me!"

and I wonder if those around me can hear my thoughts.

Do we ever stop wanting approval of people who love us?

Do we ever get to old to stop waving our

smudgy little fingers in the face of those who care..

"Look at me."

Does the need for approval just translate into

please confirm that you love me?

or the need to know what your doing is important?

What does it look like to outgrow this 3 year old "look at me" mentality?

What does a life that looks for no approval actually look like?

Does God even expect us to live without getting approval from humans no matter what our age?

and the questions keep mounting.

There was this guy in the Bible, John the Baptist.. you know the one, that guy who dressed funny and ate bugs, and had the awesome responsibility of telling people that the Savior was coming. Long story very short.. Toward the end of his life on earth he was thrown in prison and it was there in prison he hears through the grapevine that Jesus is walking around raising people from the dead... and John the Baptist wants to know if this is the Savior who he was telling everyone about. So, he sends some folks to go check out the story.

Well, Jesus confirms to John's people that He is the One and then John's messengers high tailed it back to John in prison. So, after John's people leave.. Jesus says this to those around him.

"I tell you, among those born of women none is greater than John,

Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he."

Luke 7:28

Approval. Yes, John you did a great job. I see you, and John didn't even get to hear it.. I'm sure there was but minutes between verses in this book of the Bible. Minutes that would have made a difference between what John's people heard, and what they didn't.. so why didn't God let them stay long enough to hear Jesus's words about John?

In the search for answers you stumble on the greatest gift.. the uncovering of something so beautiful that your glad you asked the hard questions. You find a faith that is living and breathing. A faith in a God who wants to hold you so close that people see Him, not you.. so he gets the glory. God wants us to know that approval is the lesser and just knowing that Jesus is alive, active and here is enough.

but when your 3, you don't have the maturity to know this...

the limited donkey gig.

2011-02-21T19:32:00.000-06:00

Enter: Balaam. Know him?

He's the man who was riding the donkey who talked in the bible. In the book of Numbers to be exact. Ok, so he was a major fence sitter. Profiting from both good and evil deeds.. a soothsayer. He used words to get his point across. Imagine my surprise when God woke me up out of a dead sleep to remind me that donkey's do indeed talk.

My biggest question was... why do I have to study Balaam? the talking donkey gig is so overused.

A bit perturbed, I go on the hunt.. bring out the big books that the Lead Singer has on the shelves that are full of print that you have to be super human to read it's so small. And I find something so cool.. that I just have to share it with you.

The donkey... was a female.

not what you expected?

Welcome to my world. Here I was hoping that God had this amazing adventure in this story in Numbers, and all I come away with so far is that Balaam's donkey was a girl. God impresses on my heart to dig further.. look closer.

Well, female donkeys are loyal, almost always doing exactly what they are "told." They are hard workers and very very strong. They will do anything for you, even keeping you from harm... they are that loyal, but as far as I know, they don't normally talk.. oh and they are called jennys.

"And the donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road, with a drawn sword in his hand."

Numbers 22:23

The donkey. She saw and she did something. She ran off the road, she ran into a cliff, she unintentionally hurt the man she carried... to save him from what she thought was a danger.

And Balaam responded in anger, harsh words. physical abuse.

That's when the donkey talked.

"What have I done to you,

that you have stuck me these three times?"

and Balaam answered her.

Have you ever thought it weird that Balaam talked back to his donkey? He didn't stop and say.. "Wow my donkey just talked..." Balaam had lost it, he wasn't even thinking clearly.

God in all his wisdom and glory came and showed Himself strong.

"Then the Lord, opened the eyes of Balaam,

and and he saw the angel of the Lord

standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand,

and he bowed down and fell on his face."

It's not as cold outside as it has been, and the snow capped parking lots are melting back into form and function. He has come to make things new. He in His great splendor designed creation so that life wouldn't be a vast tundra of frozen forever. He uses whatever possible to melt whatever He wants.. so that the beauty underneath can be uncovered and seen. He even uses talking donkeys, which I'm certain the sex of the animal is not the point.

The story of Balaam goes on of course, God filled him with His words

Balaam needed a major heart and behavior melt so dramatic that it altered his course so that God could shine His glory. How fun to know that God would use any means possible to get to us. He loves us that much. His Words are that important.

I stand back, looking into the Words of the Creator, and I breathe Him in deep, and my heart melts once again. He would use anything. Anything.

How often do I limit Him?

Rescued.

2011-02-20T18:40:00.000-06:00

I'm not even supposed to be there. My dad wanted to call and tell us to stay home. Ice, sleet, rain, bipolar weather, the game changer? It's Sunday. The day we fellowship on purpose with brothers and sister's who believe and walk the same road. I want to be there, I don't want to miss. I live for the weekly bread that I get to share with my family.

Two services in, I find myself outside trying yet again to capture Glory in a lens.

I search. I comb my heart for anything He'd not want to stand next to.

Stones. Frozen stones that beg me to tell the story that I don't even know myself. A mini alter to Him? Stones of remembrance? For all I know some child probably was playing and these are stones for a battle, hidden while the enemy lurks about in nearness.

and I want to pick one up and hurl it at him, the enemy. I get so sick of his games. his lies, his tendency to dress things in light only to be uncovered and shown for the crap it really is. I hate that my heart is forced to hate anything so dark.

My sweet mom used to tell us girls when we'd scream at each other in those years between, "You don't hate anything."

Yes mom, yes I do.

I hate evil.

I hate what it does to families, to parents, to churches, to marriages, to siblings, to businesses, to me.

I hate that it hits me when I least expect it and alters my thinking. I hate that it seems to win in those moments. I hate that feeling of letting God down in the important moments. The moments that matter.

My heart is bare open before Him, the One that matters, and I'm getting a free facial from the ice that is pelting my skin. "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." I step knee deep in a snow drift.

The reality of my journey is interrupted by the Word from Colossians 1:11. The Word that loves, the Word that overcame evil, so that we wouldn't have to carry it. Endurance and patience, they go together. They can't be separated. The evidence of maturity. The holding of Love so close that evil has no room to grow. The endurance and patience that holds on even when evil is lurking right around the next isle.

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.. another verse from the same book hits me as I write. We are rescued. Evil has no hold on us... ever.

This is what my brothers and sister were telling me when the words from their daily bread hit my ears this morning. Walking in the wee morning hours praying, reading and studying prayer, recording truth onto a CD so lives can be changed.. It's all rock throwing at evil... It rings true in my heart and I hear for the umpteenth time that learning to walk this road takes time and energy, a community to belong to, and of course endurance and patience.

The world needs more rock throwers.

Another Happy Day

i'm not blogging today.

be.

the process spelled out.

Dear Someone,

my dream for the day

a prayer from a long ago john

the package

to find a pure heart.

intent

to play well.

the walnut lesson.

prepare.

for a Savior, we wait.

always covered

love is baked.

intentional death

He's in the details.

the painting i would have missed.

just a man and a pen.

Thomas Obediah Chisholm

He asked me a question.

how to motivate a hinge.

it's a yummy cupcake day!

HapPyDay Creations.

ahhh Italy!

Rome... take two.

meanwhile back in Rome..

Wanna join me for dinner? in Italy?

i miss my nikon..aka.. recipe for sugar cookies.

a short detour while on vacation...lets cook something

nice is nice!

i love....facts.

a bit of france.

boarding liberty.

Steppin through.

35,000 feet up.

a walk i don't like.

to catch a squirrel.. and a giveaway!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Today, We Face Our Worst Times with an Insane Hope. *Warning* Graphic Images!

busy busy busy!

3 years ago today.

creating a left brain.

wondering induced by paint fumes.

turning blue for you to know.

smiley things.

filling the family album.

a taste of the bahamas.

while i sing.

loved freely to love freely.

considering your cornerstone.

I Thirst.

Flesh Living.

the most effective way to win a battle.

i love drugs, but not as much as Jesus.

Much Grace Required

Giving Up.

Approved by God.

can you tattoo joy?

i'm just a squirmy right brainer.

2:14am

the blessing concert.

broken.

maturing approval.

the limited donkey gig.

Rescued.

Today, We Face Our Worst Times with an Insane Hope. Warning Graphic Images!