and this is why.

Enter a list.   I know a blogger no-no.. but deal.  Here are the reasons I hate running.

1. I'm slow
2. I'm very slow
3. The weather isn't always cooperative.
4. It takes time out of my creative days.
5. It's boring.
6. My body screams at me "this is dumb" in the process. 
7. Did I mention that I am slow? 

There. Seeing that list, I'm betting your wondering why I DO run.   

1. I run because God says to take care of his temple, and I am that temple. 
2. I run because if I had to choose between the three things (details, math and running) I am most horrible at.. to get better.. at I pick running. 
3. I run because growing in an area isn't supposed to be fun all the time. It's work.. and boy is running work for my brain and body. 
4. I run because I like to train my brain to rely on the truth. Truth is that running is good for you, cheap and exciting.. honestly most days my mantra is .. one more step.. one more step. 
5. I run because there may be an emergency some day where I am required to run for a great distance to seek help or shelter.
6. I run because if I run for 30+ minutes. I can be done with my workout for the day. 
7. I run because just once I want to finish a 1/2 marathon to say I did it. 
8. I run because it requires no details or math to accomplish. 
9. I run because I have no desire to somedays, but I know if I do lace up my shoes and get out the door in whatever weather there is.  My heart will thank me and my soul will be refreshed, and God will be pleased, and that makes me happy. 

Basically it's a self discipline thing... and that's why I run.. and if you made it through this horrible post about a subject you could really care less about.. your reward is that you can see what the Lead Singer made for me.. isn't he just grand?? It's my new logo.. for things yet to be created! YEAH!!! 

courage covered canvas.

I know Amanda through college. We reconnected through the lovely vehicle of Facebook. She wrote the following letter to me there. 

Hi Kelly,
I really want one of your paintings for my friend Traci. I'm wondering if I can commission one? I've posted a lot about Traci's family recently. Her husband Ben was killed in Afghanistan lastmonth.Ben's brother Jeremy, one of my best friends, was killed 2 years ago in Afghanistan. I wouldn't have any idea for a theme, maybe you could pray about it? See what inspires you? I can tell you that one of her mantras recently is that you don't know how strong you are until you have no choice but to be strong. She really found God because of Ben and he's been such a spiritual influence for her. They were so in love with each other and an amazing couple. I'm not sure what else to tell you. All I know is that your paintings are so inspiring and I was hoping for something that would remind Traci of all the good things and to give her courage. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

_______________________________

I have known so many military friends in my life. However, I have never ever experienced the pain of losing one of those friends in the line of duty. Unthinkable actually, to have to walk that path. I could not go there emotionally in order to capture the feeling of loss and grief that needed to be in this canvas. I had to rely on the Spirit to take me there. 

So much of this process is just weird to type out for you. Like how when I read the letter from Amanda I "saw" boots and sandals almost immediately. I happened to have visited the library a few days before Amanda wrote me, even though I had taken to not reading fiction books for some time. I picked up a copy of a book about a military family. This book was very well written and led me on a journey of my heart that had me weeping with every turn of the page.  Is it possible that God allowed me to read this particular book for Traci? I'll let you decide.  Our church is going through the book of 1 John and so daily I was already studying about how God's love looks in a daily walk. As you can see one thing stacked up on another and out came a canvas designed by God, using my hands to remind Traci that she can follow Ben's example of sacrificial giving with courage and ultimately following Jesus's example of having no fear in love. 

Thank you Amanda.  You are a good friend and a brave solider yourself. I pray you are as blessed with this gift to Traci as I was... and thank you for your service to our country  as well. Our military families need our constant prayer. They sacrifice much for us.  

To God be the glory. 

Hunger Games.

South Dakota, not my most favorite state in the country to drive through. Something about the high winds, lack of anything remotely interesting to see on the interstate, and the almost 110 degree heat just doesn't bode well with my personality. However, living in the next door state makes it inevitable that we drive through it to get to the mountains. It was on the long and tediously boring ride through this particular state that I introduced my family to the Hunger Games on audiobook.

After you read this book, you simply must talk about it. It creates conflict in your heart, but especially the language you choose to use. For example,  How can someone who loves life, like myself,  even recommend this book to a casual reader with the words, "it's a story about kids forced to kill other kids?" We had a lively discussion about the characters and events of the book while crossing that blessed state. I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything.

Fast forward a while, and you find my family sitting in a theater at midnight anxiously awaiting the first installment of the Hunger Games loaded up on popcorn and pop. To say I was tense as a mom watching this book come alive on the screen with my babies was correct. In the book there are a few scenes played out in words that I would never want to "experience" in visual form, let along have my babies see it.

After sitting for the 2 hours and 22 minutes experiencing the book made movie. I came to this conclusion.

The story isn't about death. It is about life. 

As Christians, we are in the middle of Lent. A season of preparation for the upcoming holiday Easter. A day when we celebrate with much gusto as possible the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus. A man who died to save us all from our sin, so that we could have eternal life. Jesus was born into a system required him to defeat evil. He had to die, so that we can live. He was the ultimate sacrifice. If you have seen the movie Passion of the Christ, you know he died a horrible and unimaginably painful death.

Katniss was born into a system that she didn't agree with, and she got the chance to conquer the evil in order for others to have a better life. In this process, others had to die. Katniss is a fictitious character whose character doesn't even resemble Jesus one bit. Except that Katniss has to defeat evil for the one thing that is worth it all in the end.

Like life.

The movie, and book for that matter, do an excellent job at promoting life in the midst of evil. It may not look like it on the outside as a package, but the message is there that every life is beautiful. Go watch the movie, read the book, or even listen to it as a family on your next boring ride across South Dakota.. you will find it.  Oh and if you have never read the Bible either, go pick that up too. There is  whole bunch of good and true stories in that book to keep you busy until the next installment of the games comes out in theaters.

the land of I Am.

It has been one of those weeks, when I force myself to remain quiet and really try to understand my motives in my heart. That is probably the hardest thing. Yes, I love to create. Yes, I love to receive compliments. Yes, I like to help my family and Make Way Partners out financially. Yes, I love to play with words and fonts. Yet, when it comes down too it. The condition of my heart is what matters most. 

When I finally let the cat out of the bag on the events of the last week I want it to be God glorifying and pleasing to Him. However, in order to do that, it seems I need to tell you that the struggle against flesh is so so so hard, because I am human, and I want credit. I want to look good in your eyes, I want you to like me, like my art. I want you to see who I am. 

There, did you see it? 

 I want you to see who I am.

The goal and plans unearthed gently by way of words on a screen. I want you to see who I am. Eight words that, if I am honest, started my journey in blogland. I wanted people to know me, ugh.. those earlier posts drive me crazy. O how I want to delete them and just forget they didn't happen, but I can't. They are me. Full of me. 

Daily. 

Hourly.

Minute by minute.

every second my soul begs me to go back to wanting you to see me. 

I fight it.. with every thought. 

Change happens slowly. What starts in your head, moves to your heart and you wake up one day and realize you have changed. Your close friends confirm your hard work of dying to self  and you start to live life in silence. Letting God take the glory. He lets you live in that world until you find your footings on His rocks and you feel Him with every thought and move. 

Without warning, or maybe there was? He lets go of your hands and you are forced to take steps in a land you haven't ever been.  The land of I Am.  A land where He is enough, He is your all in all, He satisfies every need. He loves you unconditionally. He whispers to your soul.. " you can do this, but not alone." You need Him like your very breath, because the steps you are taking are very very scary. Will He catch me if I fall? Will He be there? Would He approve of this? and my heart is calling out to Him.. I want people to see You.  

Show them You. 

• This week Kelly Gau Studio was legally born with the help of  Dear Brother. 
• The Lead Singer made me an amaxing logo. 
• A brother, who speaks another language, I'm sure in his sleep, is helping me set up a website.
• Dear Sister gave me canvas in my waiting for the UPS guy to show up.. and on those I painted what I am considering my most favorite of all and I can't wait to show you. 
• None of this would be even happening if my bestest friend in the whole world hadn't sent me that box of canvases a few months back.
• And then theres the countless comments and affirmations I receive from you. 

In my hearts effort to make sure you see God in everything I do.  I can only tell you that I am constantly aware of this and with everything in my being... but I will mess up. I will fail. I have before, and I will again.. However, I know there is grace. A grace that I can't live without..cuz that's how things roll in the land of I Am... and I live there now. 

His words friday.